Retriever Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    There's these three dogs sitting at a bar, a Chihuahua golden retriever, and a shepherd.

    A girl dog walks in, and said "The person who can use liver and cheese in a sentence I will marry."

    The golden retriever goes first. "I don't like liver and cheese."

    "Not clever enough."

    Then the shepherd goes next. "I like liver and cheese."

    "Not clever enough."

    Now the Chihuahua, "Liver her alone cheese mine!"

    by: larise

    Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
    The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
    The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
    Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent, sentence can go out with me."
    The sturdy, muscular, black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
    "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever"
    She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said, "How well can you do?"
    "Um. I HATE liver and cheese," more...

    A man, carrying a very limp dog, entered the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the vet took out his stethoscope and placed the receptor on the dog's chest.
    He listened for a moment or two, shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but your dog has passed away."
    "What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't even done any tests on him. I demand a second opinion!"
    With that, the vet turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work and checked the poor dead dog out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook its head and barked.
    The vet then took the dog out and returned a few moments later with a cat, who also checked out the poor dog on the table.
    As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook its head, meowed, jumped off the table and ran out of the room.
    The vet handed the man a bill for $650. The more...

    Glenn took his dog to the veterinary clinic, and laid its limp body on the table. The doctor pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the dog's chest for a moment, then shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away.""What?" Glenn screamed. "You haven't even done any tests! I want another opinion."The vet left the room and returned in a few moments with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever sniffed the dog on the table carefully from head to toe. Finally, the Retriever shook it's head and barked once (meaning "dead and gone").The vet took the Labrador away and returned a few minutes later with a cat, which also sniffed carefully over the dog on the table before shaking its head and saying, "Meow" (meaning "he's gone"). After the cat jumped off the table, the vet handed Glenn a bill for $600. The man shook the bill at the vet. "$600!!!! Just to tell me my dog is dead?!!! That's outrageous!"The vet more...

    Collie + Lhasa Apso Collapso: a dog that folds up for easy transport
    Spitz + Chow Chow Spitz-Chow: a dog that throws up a lot
    Pointer + Setter Poinsettera: traditional Christmas pet
    Malamute + Pointer Moot Point: owned by.... oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
    Great Pyrenees + Dachshund Pyradachs: a puzzling breed
    Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso Peekasso: an abstract dog
    Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel Irish Springer: a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
    Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever Lab Coat Retriever: the choice of research scientists
    Newfoundland + Basset Hound Newfound Asset Hound: a dog for financial advisors
    Terrier + Bulldog Terribull: a dog that makes awful mistakes
    Bloodhound + Labrador Blabador: a dog that barks incessantly
    Collie + Malamute Commute: a dog that travels to work
    Deerhound + Terrier Derriere: a dog that's true to the end
    Bull Terrier + Shitzu Bull:. .. Oh, never mind

  • Recent Activity