Luigi Jokes / Recent Jokes

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi. How was a da treep?"
Luigi said, "Ever'thing was a perfect except for da train a ride down."
"What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Centrala Station. My beautifula Virginia had packed a biga basket a food with vino and cigars for a me, and a we were looking a' forward to da trip. All was OK until we gotta hungry and opened up a da luncha basket.
"The conductor came by, wagged his a finger at us and a say,' No eat in dese'a car. Must'a use'a dining car.'"
"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a big'a lunch and begin to open'a bottle of vino. Conductor come again, wag his'a finger and say,' No drink'a in dese'a car. Must'a use'a club'a car.'"
"So we more...

Newly arrived in the U. S., immigrants Mario and Luigi go to the urban unemployment office.
"What line of work are you in?" the agent asks Mario.
"I pilot," replies Mario.
"I'm sure I can find a place for you," says the efficient woman, handing him an application to fill out. Then she turns to Luigi, "And what kind of work do you do?"
"I lumberjack," he answers.
"Hmmmmm. .. I'm afraid we don't have any openings for lumberjacks."
Suddenly Mario looks up. "Hey, you must be crazy, lady!"
The agent is taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, if he no cut it, how you expect me to pile it?"

December 1stTO: ALL EMPLOYEESI'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.Merry Christmas to you and your family.Patty Lewis - Human Resources DirectorDecember 2ndTO: ALL EMPLOYEESIn no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.Happy Holidays to you and your more...

***************************************************** CHRISTMAS PARTY*****************************************************FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All EmployeesDATE: December 1RE: Christmas PartyI'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take placeon December 23, starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's Open PitBarbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small bandplaying traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And, don't besurprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas treewill be lit at 1: 00 P. M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done atthat time, however, no gift should be over $10. 00 to make the giving ofgifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Aspecial announcement will be made by our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty============================================FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All more...

Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street. "Hey, Antonio," said Luigi, "Where you been for the past two weeks? No one seen you around." "Dona talka to me, Luigi," replied Antonio. "I been inna jail." "Jail!" exclaimed Luigi. "What for you been in jail?" "Wella, Luigi," Antonio said, "I was lying onna dis beach, and the cops come, arrest me and throw me inna jail." "But dey dona throw you in jail just for lying onna da beach!", Luigi countered. "Yeah, but dis beach was screamin` and akickin` and ayellin`!"

December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis - Human Resources Director
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols more...