Sit Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 1, 2009

    RE: Gala Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

    Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family,


    Company more...

    A Toronto, a Waterloo and a Queens student were in an airplane that
    crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white
    throne. God addresses The Waterloo student first.
    "What do you believe in?"
    The Waterloo student replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion
    engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that
    if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and
    we'll all die."
    God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and
    sit at my right."
    God then addresses the Queen's Student; "Well, I believe in power to the
    people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things
    and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I
    also believe in feeling people's pain."
    God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come
    and sit at my left."
    God then more...

    This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

    My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

    THE GHOST SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

    THE CLEAN SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

    THE WET SHIT You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

    THE SECOND WAVE SHIT This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

    THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT Also known as' Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit'. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

    THE CORN SHIT No explanation necessary.

    THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into more...

    During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe
    for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a
    supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a
    train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find
    a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train
    looking for any place to sit down.
    Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was
    room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking,
    older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
    "Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked.
    The lady was insulted. "You bloody Americans are so rude", she said,
    "can't you see my dog is sitting there"?
    He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat.
    He found himself back at the same place.
    "Lady I love dogs - have more...

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