Lovers Jokes / Recent Jokes

In Heaven:

The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Hell:

The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.
In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks are French, the lovers Italian, and all is organize by the Swiss.
Hell is where the police are German, the mechanics are French, the cooks are British, the lovers are Swiss, and it's all organized by the Italians!

For all animal lovers out there:How do you make a cat go 'woof'? Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire. and...How do you make a dog go 'miaow'? Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw...

Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.

Heaven is where the Lovers are Italian, the Engineers are German, the Police are British, and it is all managed by the Swiss. Hell is where the Lovers are Swiss, the Engineers are British, the Police are German, and it is all managed by the Italians!

For Cat Lovers
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.
At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won't feed you fast enough.
Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.
Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.
Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake more...

(Hear are some real answers/comments given by kids about love)
1) HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT
ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can
tell if he's in love." - Bobby, age 9
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food
will get cold... Other people care more about the food."
- Bart, age 9
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are
just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or
they just broke up." - Sarah, age 9
"See if the man has lipstick on his face." - Sandra, age 7
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on
fire. They like to order those because it's just like how
their hearts are --- on fire." - Christine, age 9
2) TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED
"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your more...