Mechanics Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    In Heaven:
    The cooks are French,
    The policemen are English,
    The mechanics are German,
    The lovers are Italian,
    The bankers are Swiss.

    In Hell:
    The cooks are English,
    The policemen are German,
    The mechanics are French,
    The lovers are Swiss,
    The bankers are Italian.

    One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him what he wanted him to do. After God had briefed him on his mission, the minister decided to ask him a question. "God," he said, "What is heaven like?" God replied, "Well, normally I don't tell people this, but since you are my servant, I guess I can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It will have the best of everything. For example, the French will be the chefs; the Italians will be the lovers; the English will be the policeman; the Germans will be the mechanics; and the Dutch will be the politicians!" The man looked pleased. "What is hell like?" he asked. "Well," he said with a sigh, "the French will be the mechanics; the Italians will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the Germans will be the policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers."

    # Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
    # Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
    # Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.
    # Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
    # Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert more...

    Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
    I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
    The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
    Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
    Corduroy pillows: they're making headlines!

    In Heaven:
    The cooks are French,
    The policemen are English,
    The mechanics are German,
    The lovers are Italian,
    The bankers are Swiss.
    In Hell:
    The cooks are English,
    The policemen are German,
    The mechanics are French,
    The lovers are Swiss,
    The bankers are Italian.
    + + + + + + + + + +
    In Computer Heaven:
    The management is from Intel,
    The design and construction is done by Apple,
    The marketing is done by Microsoft,
    IBM provides the support,
    Gateway determines the pricing.
    In Computer Hell:
    The management is from Apple,
    Microsoft does design and construction,
    IBM handles the marketing,
    The support is from Gateway,
    Intel sets the price.

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