Lovers Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why do accountants make good lovers?
A: They're great with figures.

Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

Why do accountants make good lovers? Theyre great with figures.

Two lovers interested in spiritualism and reincarnation vowed that if either died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly thirty days after the tragedy. As luck would have it, a few weeks later the young man perished in the wreck of his new sports car, and true to her word, his bereaved sweetheart attempted to contact him in the spirit world exactly thirty days later. She lay on her bed in the darkness and called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me, John?"
A ghostly voice answered her. "Yes, Martha, this is John. I hear you."
Then his newly bereaved asked: "Oh, John, what is it like where you are?"
"It's beautiful, Martha. There are azure skies, a soft breeze and quiet beauty sweeping the horizon."
She exclaimed, "It sounds beautiful. What do you do all day?"
"Well, Martha, we are all up before sunrise, eat breakfast and then it's nothing but sex until more...

Heaven:
An American salary.
A British home.
Chinese food.
A Japanese wife.
Hell:
A Chinese salary.
A Japanese home.
British food.
An American wife.
or...
Heaven is where the Lovers are Italian, the Engineers are German, the Police are British, and it is all managed by the Swiss.
Hell is where the Lovers are Swiss, the Engineers are British, the Police are German, and it is all managed by the Italians!

For all animal lovers out there: How do you make a cat go' woof'? Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire. and... How do you make a dog go' miaow'? Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw...

In Heaven 1. The cooks are French,
2. The policemen are English,
3. The mechanics are German,
4. The lovers are Italian,
5. The bankers are Swiss. In Hell 2. The policemen are German,
3. The mechanics are French,
4. The lovers are Swiss,
5. The bankers are Italian. In Computer Heaven
1. The management is from Intel,
2. The design and construction is done by Apple,
3. The marketing is done by Microsoft,
4. IBM provides the support,
5. Gateway determines the pricing. In Computer Hell 1. The management is from Apple,
2. Microsoft does design and construction,
3. IBM handles the marketing,
4. The support is from Gateway,
5. Intel sets the price.