Lonely Jokes / Recent Jokes
A widow was feeling rather lonely and decided that the best thing forher would be to have a companion. So, off she went to the pet shop. She wasn't sure just what kind of pet she'd like, so she figured she'djust walk around until she found just the' right one.' She went pastthe adorable little puppies, past the playful kittens, past thepreening birds, past the sleeping hamsters, past the whirling gerbils, and past the colorful fish. Nothing really appealed to her and seemed to be just what she waslooking for. She decided to go around the store again. On the way over to the puppies, she walked by a barrel. At the bottomof the barrel was a rather nasty looking toad. When she looked in, heWINKED at her! Our poor widow just shook herself! She couldn'tbelieve it. She rather quickly went back to the other pets ondisplay. Once again, she checked out those sweet little puppies, the darlingkittens, the fluttering birds, the fuzzy hamsters, the sleek gerbils, and the darting fish. Nothing more...
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said this person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed. Adam asked God what would a woman like this cost him?? God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib???"
A lonely divorcee was driving home from work one evening when she saw a man
trying to hitch a ride. She picked him up and they got to talking.
"What do you do?" she asked him.
"I recently escaped from prison for having killed my wife."
"Oh, does that mean you are available?"
A Foreign Legion Captain had just been transferred to a remote desert outpost. During his orientation tour, he noticed a camel tied behind the barracks.
"Why is there a camel tied to the barracks," he asked the Sergeant who was giving him the tour.
"Well, sir," the Sergeant explained, "the men tend to get lonely sometimes since there are no women here, so we have the camel."
"Well, I suppose if it's for the men, it's all right with me," said the Captain.
A couple of months later, the Captain found he was feeling very lonely himself, so he yelled out to the Sergeant, "Bring the camel to my tent!"
The Sergeant led the camel into the Captain's tent and left. A while later, the Captain emerged, zipping up his pants and smiling.
"So, Sergeant, is that how the other men do it?" he asked.
"No, sir," the Sergeant replied, "they usually just use the camel to ride into town!"
Never try to pacify someone at the height of his rage. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. Never volunteer for anything. Never wrestle a pig; you both get dirty, and he likes it. Nice guys finish last but it is lonely at the top. No experiment is ever a complete failure; it can always be used as a bad example. No good deed goes unpunished. No man is lonely while eating spaghetti. No man’s credit is as good as his money.
Never try to pacify someone at the height of his rage.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never volunteer for anything.
Never wrestle a pig; you both get dirty, and he likes it.
Nice guys finish last but it is lonely at the top.
No experiment is ever a complete failure; it can always be used as a bad example.
No good deed goes unpunished.
No man is lonely while eating spaghetti.
No man`s credit is as good as his money.