Lonely Jokes / Recent Jokes

YESTERDAY---------------Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestonehanging over meThe system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrongWhat it was I could not say. Now all my data's goneand I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday.============================================Songs to program by... Eleanor Rigby---------------------Eleanor RigbySits at the keyboardAnd waits for a line on the screenLives in a dreamWaits for a signalFinding some codeThat will make the machine do some more. What is it for? All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long? Guru MacKenzieTyping the lines of a program that no one will run; Isn't it fun? Look at him working, Munching some chips as he waits for more...

A Beatle's Computer Parody

Eleanor Rigby
-------------
Eleanor Rigby
Sits at the keyboard
And waits for a line on the screen
Lives in a dream
Waits for a signal
Finding some code
That will make the machine do some more.
What is it for?

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

Guru Mackenzie
Typing the lines of a program that no one will run;
Isn't it fun?
Look at him working,
Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile;
It takes a while...

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

Eleanor Rigby
Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work;
Feels like a jerk.
Guru MacKenzie
Wiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code;
Nothing will load.

All the lonely users, where do they all come more...

Q: What did the lonely banana say?
A: I`m a"kela".
Q: What did the green peas say?
A: Nothing. They just "mutter"ed.
Q: What did the potato say when it answered the phone?
A: "Aaloo?"
Q: Where do cauliflowers hang out?
A: In the Gobi desert.
Q: What did the flower say to its girl-friend?
A: Why do phools fall in love?
Q: What did the fat car say?
A: I`m a mota car.
Q: What did the confused egg say?
A: I don`t unda-stand.
Q: Where do earrings go on holiday?
A: Bali
Q: What do shrimps sing on Christmas?
A: Jhinga Bells.
Q: What did the half eaten naan say?
A: I wish I was puri.
Q: What did the lonely potato sing?
A: "Aaloo lonesome tonight?"
Q: What language do carrots speak?
A: Gajar-ati.
Q: What do you call a bald poet?
A: Ik-bal.
Dis da funkiest...
Q: What did the first pizza slice say to the other pizza slice more...

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store. His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?" "No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class.

One late evening a redneck named Aldo came out of the local pub a little drunk.He got into his pickup truck and started driving home. He was on a lonely stretch of the road, when all of a sudden a piston blew right through the engine hood. Aldo gets out of his pickup truck, angry as 'hell' and kicks the door real hard out of frustration and starts walking down the lonely road. About twenty minutes later, a pickup truck with a bunch of fellow rednecks riding in the back of the truck came along and stopped. On of the fellas called out, "Whats the matter ole' friend?"
Aldo says, "Piston-broke!" The same fella calls back, "Ya! we're pissn'd and broke too. Get in the truck."

Never try to pacify someone at the height of his rage.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never volunteer for anything.
Never wrestle a pig; you both get dirty, and he likes it.
Nice guys finish last but it is lonely at the top.
No experiment is ever a complete failure; it can always be used as a bad example.
No good deed goes unpunished.
No man is lonely while eating spaghetti.
No man's credit is as good as his money.

Why are bananas never lonely? Because they hang around in bunches.