Limo Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie.... Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation. To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW. To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did y ou cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, more...

Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go." "Good idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine." The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please." "Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"

3 men die in a car crash and are sent to the pearly gates. Having all lived good lives, they were all allowed in but they had certain restrictions. God told them that he would ask them a question. They should answer truthfully and depending on how they answer they will receive a home and a vehicle.
God asked the first man, "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"
The man said, "None. Never once."
God says, "Good. For being faithful you get a mansion and a stretch limo with a chaffeur."
Then God asks the second man how many times he's cheated.
The man says, "Only twice."
God says, "That is bad but at least you lived the rest of your life well. Have a 2 story house and a nice SUV."
Then God asks the third man the same question as the first two.
The third man says, "Lord, 8 times. I am sorry."
God is appalled, but the man is still a good man and he lets him in with an apartment and a more...

One day, Bill Clinton decided to go for a ride in his limo. He was tired of the city, so he told his limo driver to take him to the country.They drove around for hours, and it soon became late. The driver was geting rather tired and found it difficult to keep his eyes open.Suddenly, the limo hit a huge bump and and the two men heard a terrible scream.The limo driver stopped the car immediatly to see what had happened. Bill Clinton soon got out of the car also, to investigate. "What happened?!" asked Bill. "I ran over a pig," replied his driver. Bill Clinton looked horrified. "Well go over to that farmhouse and tell them what you did. That pig could have been their's." So the driver walked over to the farmhouse and knocked on the door. Bill Clinton waited in the limo for nearly 2 and a half hours. Finally, the limo driver came back and got back into the car. Bill Clinton, infuriated that his driver had left him alone for so long, demanded to know where he more...

The Pope was getting into his limo one night when he turned to the limo driver and said, “Before I die, I would love to drive this beautiful limo just once.”“Well, here,” the limo driver says, “Take the wheel, Your Holiness!”Further down the road, the limo is stopped by a policeman who looks in the window, goes back to his squad car, calls dispatch and says, “I just pulled over someone real important and I don’t know what to do.”“Well, who is it?” his dispatcher says, “The mayor? The governor? The president?”“I don’t know,” the officer responds, “but the Pope’s his chauffer!”

The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Without much of a choice, the chauffeur climbed in the back of the limo and the Pope took the wheel.
After gleefully accelerating to about 90 mph, the Pope was pulled over by the State Patrol. The trooper came to his window, took a look inside, and said, "Just a moment, please. I need to call in." The trooper called in and asked for the chief. He told the chief, "I`ve got a REALLY important person pulled over and
I need to know what to do." The chief replied, "Who is it? A senator?" The trooper said, "No, even more important."
The chief asked, "It`s the Governor, isn`t it?"
"No. More important."
"The President?"
"No. More important."
"Well, Who the heck is it?!," screams the more...

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb at the Rome Leonardo da Vinci Fiumicino Airport.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"Who's going to tell?" says the Pope with a smile?
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.

"Please slow more...