Lifetime Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man phones home and tells his wife, "I have a chance to go fishing for a week.
It is the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So, if you could,
please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment and especially my blue silk
pyjamas. I will be home in an hour to pick them up."
He goes home in a hurry, grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
He responds, "Oh yes, great! The fishing was fantastic! You would not believe
the size of one that I caught. The only thing is that you forgot to pack my blue
silk pyjamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh no, I did not. I put them in your tackle box!"

Saddam Hussain Visits God And Asks Him: " God When Shall I See The Defeat Of George Bush? " God Replies:" Son, You Will Not
See It In Your Lifetime. " Hearing This, Saddam Hussain Starts Crying And Goes Away. Gen Parvez Musharaff Visits God And Asks
Him: " God When Shall I See The Capture Of Kashmir By Pakistan?" God Replies: " Son, You Will Not See It In Your Lifetime."
Hearing This, Gen Parvez Musharaff Starts Crying And Goes Away. Laaloo Yadav Visits God And Asks Him:" God When Shall I See
Bihar Becoming A Prosperous And Happy State? " Hearing This, God Starts Crying. Laaloo Is Astounded And Asks: " God, Why Are
You Crying? " God Replies: " Son, I Will Not See It In My Lifetime"

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.' We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,' she said,' ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?'

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said,' Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?'

What's the height of intelligence?
Answer: a 99 year old sardar going for hutch ka naya lifetime scheme.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Lipkowitz finally decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at.
"And this one, what a steal," he rhapsodized, "the investment of a lifetime. Why, in ten years it's gonna be worth three times..."
"Sonny," interrupted Mrs. Lipkowitz, "at my age I don't even buy green bananas."

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.