Lie Jokes / Recent Jokes

The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
The book you spent $20. 95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
The business plan you prepare must be a lie; but it must be a detailed and precise lie rather than a vague and general lie.
The business world worships mediocrity. Officially, we revere free enterprise, initiative, and individuality. Unofficially, we fear it.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to... to... uhh...
The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The chaos in the universe always increases.
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

Father talking to his son: "Son, you should never lie. One lie begets another lie, then another lie, and before you know it, you're a lawyer."

Why did Minney Mouse get kicked out of the sandbox?

Because she sat on Pinocchio's nose and said, "Lie to me, lie to me!"

Once There Was A Lie Detecting Machine. Which Made A Sound Buzz If Someone Said A Lie
A Sardarji Sat On The Machine And Said That He Could Eat 5 Pizzas. The Machine Said Buzz. Then He Said That I Can Eat 2 Pizzas. The Machine Didn't Said Anything. Then Sardarji Started Thinking And Said Let Me Think And The Machine Said Buzz.

There was a guy sunbathing in the nude on the beach. He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?"
Thinking quickly, the guy replied, "A bird."
The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in the hospital in tremendous pain. The police asked him what happened.
The guy says, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dozed off and the next thing I know is I'm here."
The police went to the beach, found the little girl, and asked her, "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a pause, the girl replied,
"To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spit on me. So, I broke its neck, busted its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"
Moral of the story
Never lie to a female............ OF ANY AGE!!!

A little lie is like a little pregnancy it doesn't take long before everyone knows.

Keywords and their meanings:
FINE:
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine".
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare. One that will result in my getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word Fine".
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" more...