Kids Jokes / Recent Jokes

A three-year-old had been told several times to get ready for bed. The last time his mom told him, she was every insistent. His response was, "Yes, Sir!" Since he was talking to his mother (and she is a woman), it was not expected of him to call her "Sir".
"You would say,' yes sir,' to a man, I am a lady, and you would say' Yes Ma'am,' to a lady," Mom said. To quiz him on is lesson, she then asked him, "What would you say to Daddy?"
"Yes Sir!" came the reply
"Then what would you say to Mama?"
"Yes, Ma'am!" he proudly answered.
"Good boy! Now what would you say to Grandma?"
He lit up and said, "Can I have a cookie?"

A husband and wife with two kids decide that they should come up with a secret code word for having sex so they could suggest it when the kids were around. The wife decided that they would substitute the word "laundry" in place of the word "sex." Every night that week, after dinner, the husband would ask the wife if she would like to go and do some laundry. She would comply and they would head off to bed.
However, as in any marriage, there came a night when the wife wasn't really in the mood. The husband asked her again, as usual, if she would like to do some laundry with him later. She declined, saying she was tired and needed to get some sleep.
After tossing and turning for an hour, she changed her mind and decided maybe if she did do some "laundry" she would be able to sleep. She rolled over and asked her husband if he was still interested in doing the laundry.
The husband replied, "Sorry honey, it was only a small load, so I more...

· Teacher: What`s 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That`s good.
Pupil: Good. That’s perfect! · Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That`s not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one! · Teacher: How much are half of 8?
Pupil: Up and down or across?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0! · What kind of food do math’s teachers eat?
Square meals!

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside an operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for? ”
The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out, and I’m a little nervous. ”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze. ”
The second kid then asks, “What are you here for? ”
“A circumcision, ” the first kid answers.
“Whoa! ” the second kid says. “Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year. ”

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy
father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered: "Thou shall not kill."

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said,' I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!'

'That's right!' shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said.' I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!'

'That's right!' shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.' Is it wine?' she asked.

'No,' the boy answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.' Is it champagne?' she asked.

'No,' the boy answered.

Finally, the teacher said,' I give up. What is it?'

The boy replied,' A puppy!'

· Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren`t the best teacher in the school · Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had · Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Our puppy toilet trained on it · I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn`t take algebra! · nb