Kids Jokes / Recent Jokes
The small girl had recently received a new watch and some perfume, which she was very excited about. Their family asked the pastor over for dinner. The girl wanted so badly to tell the pastor about her new gifts, but her mother insisted she wait until after dinner and not interrupt at
meal time.
Not able to contain her excitement, and not wanting to disobey, the little girl leaned over to the pastor during dinner and whispered, "If you hear a little noise and smell something, it's me!"
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch, and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation, and he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returned to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten,
but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working
diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied,
"I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one
knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking
up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: "Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give you two dollars. Everybody wins."
In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation. In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even. At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable. In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free. At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years. In prison, all your medical care is free. At home, you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you more...
· The food in our school canteen is perfect.
If you’re a bug! · How do bees get to school?
By school buzz! · What are you going to be when you get out of school?
An old man! · What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow! · I`m not going back to school ever again
Why ever not?
The teacher doesn`t know a thing; all she does is asking questions! · Is that school food spicy?
No, smoke always comes out of my ears!
Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.
Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?
Father: Ok ask.
Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.
Father:! !!??????!!!