Kids Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mrs. Sullivan and her little daughter Patty were outside the church watching all the comings and goings of a wedding. After the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception, and all the excitement was over. Patty asked her mother, "Why did the bride change her mind, Mommy?
"How do you mean, change her min?" asked Mrs. Sullivan.
"Well said the child, "she went into the church with one man and came out with another!"

Bob and sue have been married for 12 yrs. And never have sex with the lights on. One night sue turned on the lights while they were having sex. And was shocked when she saw her husband with a dildol in his hands. Sue yelled “you impatient fucker! You lying son of a…”Bob stopped her and said, “I’m a lying son of a bitch? Than maybe you would like to explain our 3 kids? ”

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes
first."
And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too
damn ugly to kiss goodbye."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it more...

Three children pass a lit, open window and look in.

"Look, look," says the 4 year old, "there is a couple in bed there and they are wrestling."

"No, no," says the 5 year old, "they are making love."

And the 6 year old chimes in: "And badly."

· What`s black and white all over and difficult?
An exam paper! · What kinds of tests do they give witches?
Hex-aminations! · Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn`t give me any trouble, just the answers! · Father: You were absent on the day of the test?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

Ever notice how a 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices?

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a. m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that was O. K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night?

They said OK.

After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting "Hi Dad! I've got some more...

Q: What goes "Oob, oob!"
A: A witch in reverse.
Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.
Q: Why do demons hang out with ghouls?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Q: Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
A: It was his bat.
Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your boos and shocks on.
Mother vampire to son:
Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.
Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.
Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other?
A: See you next month!