Innocent Jokes / Recent Jokes

John Harrison was despondent. He'd been married for ten years and had nothing to show for it but twelve children; he and his wife were obviously compatible, but that was not enough.

He found it impossible to get by on a single job, so he'd taken two; now the long hours were beginning to affect his health. Slowly he trudged down the basement steps.

"I can't support my family," he said to himself, though he'd said the same thing many times to his wife as well. "I'm no good to them and no good to myself."

He picked up a piece of clothes line, made a noose, and placed it around his neck. "They'd be better off if I were dead," he said.

He climbed up on a box, tossed the loose end of the rope over a pipe and tied it securely to the top of the washing machine.

"If I were dead, they'd at least have the insurance," he said. "My sweet wife has given me everything, and I've had nothing to give her more...

After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the blonde accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
The blonde looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."

Real opcodesAAC Alter All Commands AAD Alter All Data AAO Add And Overflow AAR Alter At Random AB Add Backwards ABC AlphaBetize Code ABR Add Beyond Range ACC Advance CPU Clock ACDC Allow Controller to Delete Contents ACDP Allow Controller to Die Peacefully ACQT Advance Clock to Quitting Time ADB Another Dumb Bug AEE Absolve Engineering Errors AFF Add Fudge Factor AFHB Align Fullword on Halfword Boundary AFP Abnormalize Floating Point AFR Abort Funny Routine AFVC Add Finagle`s Variable Constant AGB Add GarBage AGWA Add and Get Wrong Answer AI Add Improper AIB Attack Innocent Bystander AIB Attack Innocent Bystanders AISG Access and Improve Student Grade AMM Add Mayo and Mustard AMM Answer My Mail AMS Add Memory to System ANC ANnoy Consultant AOI Annoy Operator Immediate AR Advance Rudely AR Alter Reality ARN Add and Reset to Non-zero ARN Add and Reset to Nonzero ARZ Add and Reset to Zero AS Add Sideways ASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSI AT Accumulate Trivia AWP Argue With more...

A blonde women, a brunette women, and a brown haired women are getting ready to be executed by the electric chair.
The brunette walks in the room and sits down on the electric chair.
Before the man throws the switch he asks if she has any last words.
The brunette says, I did not do anything wrong, I am innocent.
The man throws the switch and nothing happened. He throws the switch again and says, Surely this is a sign of God. You may leave.
Next up is the brown haired women.
Before the man throws the switch he asks if she has any last words.
I am innocent. I swear I did not do anything wrong.
The man throws the switch again, and nothing happened. Surely this is a sign of God. You may leave.
Last up is the blonde.
Again the man asks if she has any last words before he throws the switch.
The blonde thinks for a minute and says, Its not plugged in.
By: Allison, Laura, and Jessie

You're as innocent as a nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field.

These three Texans go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, so they let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go.

The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a fighting Texas Aggie more...

In Denver, Air Marshals say that innocent people are put on a "watch list" to fill quotas. Meanwhile, terrorists say they have innocent people on their "watch list" too.