Impressed Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $
5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future more...

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5, 000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total takeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him
because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their more...

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so more...

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she more...

One day there was three guys, a American, Australian and German. They
were all braging about how long their dicks were so they decided to put it
to a test.
All of them walked up a fifty story building and floped it out.
First the German went and it fell to 15 stories and they all were
impressed.
Then the Australian went and he floped it out and his fell to 30 stories
and the other two were impressed.
Then the last, the American went and as soon as he floped it out he started
wiggling his waist and the other two said "What are you doing?"
He said "doging traffic."

While visiting England recently, George W. Bush was invited to have tea with the Queen.

Given his recent political problems, he decides to take advantage of her years of leadership experience and asks her for her advice. She responds that she surrounds herself with the most intelligent people she can find and lets them do their jobs.

Intrigued with this novel theory, Bush asks her how she is able to tell if the people are intelligent.

"I do so by asking them a test question" responds the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

The Queen then dials 10 Downing Street and asks to speak to Tony Blair. "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer a hypothetical question for me."

"I'll do my best, Your Majesty" responds Blair.

"Your mother has a child and your father has a child" says the Queen. "The child is not your brother or your sister. Who is the child?"

Tony Blair more...

Erich Honnecker (the president of East Germany) was invited to Moscow by Gorbachev for a visit. After weeks of preparation by Gorby, Honnecker arrives in Moscow. As part of the celebration activities, there is a big parade through the streets of Moscow. While the two are watching the parade, Gorbachev takes a small boy aside and asks him, "Who is your mother?" The child replies, "Mother Russia." "And who is your father?", asks Gorbachev. The boy answers, "Why, its you Uncle Gorbachev!". Finally Gorbachev asks the boy, "and what do you want to be when you grow up?". The boy proudly replies, "a good communist!".
Erich Honnecker, meanwhile, has been watching this and is very impressed. So impressed, that he decides to invite Gorbachev to [East] Berlin for a visit. Again, after weeks of preparation, Gorbachev`s plane lands in Berlin. And again, part of the celebration includes a parade. Remembering what Gorbachev did in more...