Idiot Jokes / Recent Jokes
#244321 +(23982)- [X]
Cthon98: hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
Cthon98: ********* see!
AzureDiamond: hunter2
AzureDiamond: doesnt look like stars to me
Cthon98: AzureDiamond: *******
Cthon98: thats what I see
AzureDiamond: oh, really?
Cthon98: Absolutely
AzureDiamond: you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
AzureDiamond: haha, does that look funny to you?
Cthon98: lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
AzureDiamond: thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
Cthon98: yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
AzureDiamond: awesome!
AzureDiamond: wait, how do you know my pw?
Cthon98: er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
AzureDiamond: oh, ok.
A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws a rope around the rock and ties it to his horse and pulls the rock off the man. The man, gratefull as he is, tells the king that he's really a great sorcerer, and gives the king three wishes.
The king looks at the Sorcerer and says "OK, then I wish to be immortal", the sorcerer replies "Puff, it's done." The king takes a knife and stabs himself and nothing happens, then he says "OK, then I want my horse to be immortal." The sorcerer replies "Puff, it's done". The king, happy as can be, stabs his horse and nothing happens, then he says "OK, then I want my horses genitals." The sorcerer replies "Puff, it's done".
The king, still happy, jumps on his horse and rides back to his castle, in the doorway he meets his friend Peter, jumps off the horse and tells Peter that he's now immortal. Peter laughs, but more...
Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselvesstanding before the pearly gates of Heaven, where StPeter and the Devil were standing nearby." Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact thatHeaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed tolimit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone ofyou can ask me a question which I don't know or cannotanswer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell." The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the mostcomprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snapof his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct." Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, thephilsopher disappeared. The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicatedformula you more...
Cool Bumper Stickers-A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. -Horn broken, watch for finger. -My kid had sex with your honor student. -If at first you don't succeed, try not to look astonished. -I. R. S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. -Jesus loves you... Everyone else thinks you're an asshole. -I'm just driving this way to piss you off. -Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. -Keep honking, I'm reloading. -Hang up and drive. -Guns don't kill people, postal workers do. -Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit. -If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? -Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. -I want to die in my sleep like my Grandfather did, not kicking and screaming like his passengers. -I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. -We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. -Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! -Make it idiotproof and someone will make a better idiot. -I'm more...
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
How to be sure if someone is an Idiot? You can be sure someone is an idiot when he/she: Spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said concentrate. Puts lipstick on their forhead because he wanted to makeup his mind. Gets stabbed in a shoot-out. Sends a fax with a stamp on it. Was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin FREE LAYS! ” Tries to drown a fish. If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you’d get change. Thinks socialism means partying. Trips over a cordless phone. Takes a ruler to bed to see how long they slept. At the bottom of the application where it says SIGN HERE he put Sagittarius. ” Takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes. Studies for a blood test and fails. Invents a solar powered flashlight. Sells the car for gas money. Heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moves. Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 bus twice instead. Takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said, Airport left, he turned around and went home.
A barman looks out the window of his bar and sees a guy riding a horse dressed in a hunting outfit with a rifle over one arm and a hound running along beside him.
He dismounts and comes walking into the bar where upon he takes the rifle off his shoulder and starts wandering around with his dog sniffing ever table, chair and small corner of the bar. After a while he approaches the barman who asks him what he's doing.
And the guy replies - "I'm hunting you idiot... can't you see that
!" "OK, OK..." says the barman, "Would you like a drink while you hunt ?".
Immediately the hunter says, " Do you have any cheap Gin !!?".
Rather taken a back by the abruptness of his request the barman replies, "No I'm sorry I'm all out of the cheap stuff is there anything else you'd like? ".
"No" says the hunter and he starts to leave.
As he reaches the door the barman calls after him, "Btw pal... exactly what do more...