Hunting Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?""No," the second guy says."Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says."Oh," says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?""See what?" the second guy asks."Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.""Oh."A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"

There was a blond, and a brunette walking through the woods, and they come across some tracks. The blond said "they are deer tracks", but the brunette said "they are bear tracks." The blond said "NO I went hunting with my dad, and I can tell you for sure that they are deer tracks." The brunette said "NO, NO, NO I went hunting with my brother, and I can tell you for sure that those are bear tracks." They kept on fighting, and a few minutes later a train came buy, and hit them. They were train tracks!!

There's these two guys out hunting in the woods and all of a sudden one of them just keels over and is lying motionless on the ground. So the other guy grabs his cell phone and dials 911. The emergency operator picks up and says, "911 emergency, please state your emergency," and the guy says, "Hey, I'm out here hunting with my buddie and he just keeled over, I think he's dead!" Then the emergency operator says, "Okay, jsut calm down. Now the first thing we need to know is if he's really dead." the guys says, "Okay, hold on." the operater hears silence on the phone for a second and then she hears a loud 'BANG!'
Then guy comes back and he says, "Now what?"

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.Man discovered woman, invented sex.
Woman discovered sex, invented headache.Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.

Two friends are out on a hunting trip. While Jeff has never been hunting before, Jim has hunted all his life. Jim instructs Jeff to sit by a tree and not make a sound while he goes to check out a deer stand.
He gets a fair distance from Jeff when he suddenly hears a blood-curdling scream. He races back to Jeff and shouts, "Didn't I tell you to keep quiet?"
"Hey, I tried," says a shaken Jeff. "I honestly did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't utter a sound. While that bear was breathing down my neck, I never made a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up the legs of my pants and said, 'Shall we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any longer!"

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come"? and the Indian replies, "ear sticky".

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys. 2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. 3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash. 4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft. 5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. 6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships. 7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys. 8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals. 9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, more...