Hunting Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting Flies," he responded.
"Oh!, Killed any?" she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck. "Where's George?" one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone." He's about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there' cause I figured ain't nobody' bout to steal him."

PC 370.00
A Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys
370.01.01 Any person with a valid California State Rodent or Snake
hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and
sport (non-commercial) purposes.
370.01.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The
use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
370.01.03 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is
prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If
an attorney IS accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney
should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed to the
nearest car wash.
370.01.04 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power
boat, helicopter or aircraft.
370.01.05 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH," "AMBULANCE," or "FREE
SCOTCH"
for the purpose of trapping more...

Jon was excited about his new rifle and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear.
The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.
The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a more...

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said, "Stay here and be VERY QUIET. I'll be across the field."
A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and he ran back to his son asking "What's wrong? I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said' Should we eat them here or take them with us?' I panicked!!

Once there was this hunter, out in the forest, hunting bears.

As the hunter approached a clearing in the forest, he saw a bear. One of the biggest bears he'd ever seen. So he crouches down behind a largish rock, takes careful aim with his shotgun, and fires. After the smoke clears, he runs down to the clearing, and the bear's body is gone!

He searches the clearing, but to no avail. Then there's a tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. The hunter looks around, and it's the bear! "You just tried to kill me, didn't you?". Says the bear."Uh, no. No I didn't". The hunter, taken aback by a talking bear, lies."Yes you did. Don't lie, or I'll rip your arms off" "Uh, yeah, yeah I did." "Alright", says, the bear, "I'll let you go if you do one thing for me." "What's that?", inquires the hunter. "Give me a head-job." "What??" "On your knees" So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the more...

An American, French, and Polock decide to all go elk hunting together. They all decide it’s better to go out separately. So the first day the American goes out and comes back with a moderately big elk.
The other two want to know how he scored it, so the American says, “I see the tracks, I follow the tracks, Bang I shoot and elk. ”
So the next day the French man goes out and comes back with an even bigger elk than the American. Impressed the other two ask him how he got it.
So the French guy, in a thick accent, says, “I see the tracks, I follow the tracks, Bang I shoot and elk. ”
So the next day the Polock goes out and not long after he comes back bleeding and scratched up.
So the other two ask, “What the hell happened to you!?! ”
The Polock replies, “I see the tracks, I follow the tracks, Bang I get hit by a train. ”