Unlawful Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    United States Attorney Season and Hunting Limits - 1300. 01 GENERAL:
    1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
    2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
    3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
    4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
    5. It shall be unlawful to shout “whiplash”, “ambulance”, or “free Perrier” for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
    6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
    7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
    8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or more...

    All stations are to be on the lookout for the following
    individual(s) that are WANTED by an agency(ies) within the United
    States of America. The US State Department has expressed interest
    in extraditing the following individual(s) from anywhere in the
    world.

    NAME
    Kringle, Christopher Also Known As Santa, Jolly Old Man, Saint Nick

    RACE
    Unknown

    HEIGHT
    6' 0"

    WEIGHT
    320 lbs

    SCARS/TATTOOS
    Across both buttocks words Merry Christmas.

    LAST SEEN WEARING
    Red suit pants and Jacket with red thermal underwear. Red hat,
    with white tassel.

    KNOWN TO BE DRIVING
    1964 red convertible, with a nine Reindeer powered engine. Vehicle
    was displaying a red light on front, in violation of the State of
    Alaska Vehicle and Traffic law.

    WANTED FOR THE FOLLOWING CIMINAL VIOLATIONS
    Being Jolly in a No Jolly zone,
    Breaking and entering more...

    NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWERS
    Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 1200
    1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.
    2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
    3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
    4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
    5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
    6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW
    dealerships.
    7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
    8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be more...

    I understand that a crow has one less pinion feather than a raven. Therefore how do you tell a crow from a raven? It's a matter of opinion. I duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. The clerk sez, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck sez, "Just put it on my bill!" Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first vulture asks the second vulture: "Does this taste funny to you?" Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words. Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot. I took my bird to the vet because he was sick. The vet said I have bad news and good news. The bird has chirpees, the good news is that it is tweetable! Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the Opossum that it could be done! What does a 1, 000 lb. canary say? Here kitty, kitty, kitty! What did the bird say as it was flying over K-Mart? "Cheap - cheap - cheap" What do you get when you run over a bird with your more...

    WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS
    1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
    2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
    3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
    4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
    5. It shall be unlawful to shout 'whiplash', 'ambulance', or 'free Perrier' for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
    6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
    7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
    8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
    9. If an attorney more...

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