Hotel Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do witches ring for in a hotel? B-room service.

A just-married Chinese couple decided to make love on the wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy condom from the shop nearby. When the husband left, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off. The husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sell condom and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20 cents coin. He asked the shop owner to sell him one piece of condom and the shop owner asked him which quality does he want. "The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each." So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with him. While the husband was out, a black Indian thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabs the thief and happily screwing away. The wife more...

The following our signs seen overseas where the actual message of the signs became somewhat lost in the english translation. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Belgrade elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 & 11 am daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel for skiers: Not to more...

The businesswoman, in town for an important meeting, checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her bags.
Noticing that her best suit had been badly wrinkled during her flight, she telephoned the desk and asked the hotel's valet service to pick it up for pressing.
Almost immediately after she hung up the phone, a knock sounded at the door, and there stood an elderly Chinaman, waiting.
Impressed by the fast service, the career woman exclaimed, "My, you come lickety-split!"
"No, ma'am," replied the elderly Chinaman. "Come to get laundry."

What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldnt pay his bill? "Pack your trunk and clear out! "

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago wasstranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that didnot admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, noroom. The hotel is full." The Jewish lady said, "But yoursign says that you have vacancies." The desk clerkstammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do notadmit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..." Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have youknow I converted to your religion." The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?" Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Maryin a little town called Bethlehem." "Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more." Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger." "That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in amanger?" Mrs. Rosenberg said more...

TRAVELLER'S TALES
 
 
IN THE LOBBY OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ACROSS FROM A RUSSIAN ORTHODOX MONASTERY:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
  composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
IN A HOTEL IN ATHENS:
 "Visitors are expected to complain at the officebetween the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily."
IN A JAPANESE HOTEL:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
IN A BANGKOK DRY CLEANER'S:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
IN A NORWEGIAN COCKTAIL LOUNGE:
Ladies are requested not to have childrenin the bar.
AT A BUDAPEST ZOO:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have anysuitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
IN A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN TOURIST AGENCY:
Take one of our horse-driven citytours. We guarantee no more...