Hotel Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he hasto take a shit real bad.The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts downto use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls areoccupied, so he runs back up to his room, and indesperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, andtakes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back inthe pot and leaves.Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel thatsays, "Dear Mr. Jones, All is forgiven. Just tell us...where is it?"

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

A Chinese detective was given an assignment to follow two lovers, The husband wanted evidence for a divorce.
Chinese detective was giving his report in the divorce court.and the prosecuting council said," now Chan, In your own words give an account of the affairs," "Velly glood, I will tly", Me see he leave hotel, then she leave hotel, me see he go in car she flollow, get in car." " cary on Chan you are doing very well,"
Man dlive car, me get in me car me flollow mans car" Me see he dlive to small cluntly house, and he go inside, she flollow, me see light go on upstairs, me climbe up tree look fluu windlow, Light he goes on in dee room, me look through window." Carry on Chan, said the council. "Vell sir, me see he undless she, me see she undless he. me see he play with she, me see he play with shee. Me play with me, me fall from tlee me no more see".

Wife-our servant is a big thief.
Husband-has he stolen anything.
Wife-yes he has stolen a blanket.
Husband-which one?
Wife-the one which we stole from an hotel

What to do With Hotel Soap

The following letters were taken from an actual incident
between a London hotel and one of its guests.

Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top
of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear more...

Many years ago, a Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod -- one that did not admit Jews.
The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."
The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies."
The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."
Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion."
The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?"
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."
"Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."
"That's right," said the hotel clerk. more...

Three men walk into a cheap hotel. The hotel clerk looks at them strangely and asks if they want seperate rooms. The men decline politely, and eventually get checked in.
After a while they call up what they thought was room service and a sexy sounding woman answers. She asked what service he wanted. The first man said a hand job. A minute later there was a knocking at the door. The man answered and a gorgeous brunette appeared, and he had the best hand job ever. The other two men looked on in admiration
The second man called up the same number and asked for a blowjob. Two minutes later up came a gorgeous blonde and gave him the best blowjob he ever had.
The third man was rather cocky, and he decided he would beat the other two mens requests. He called up the number, and a very seductive sounding woman answered. He asked for a pussy to stick his dick into. ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door and he anxiously answered the door. There standing was the ugliest more...