Hmmm Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Extend your open palm under the stall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Cheer and clap loudly each time someone breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
3. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
4. Drop a marble and say, "Shit! My glass eye!"
5. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
6. Say, "Damn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain loudly for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Hummus. Reminds me of hummus."
9. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
10. Fill a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall wall of your neighbor while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
11. Say, "Hmmm... interesting... more sinkers than floaters."
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop more...

The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist's office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. "Hmmm," says the theorist, "That's exactly where you'd expect to see that peak. Here's the reason." A long logical explanation follows. In the middle of it, the experimentalist says "Wait a minute", studies the chart for a second, and says, "Oops, this is upside down." He fixes it. "Hmmm," says the theorist, "you'd expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here's the reason...".

After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.
"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked. "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it-a regular Sodom and Gomorra. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions.
"Hmmm," said God thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"
"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex.
The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on Judgment Day if they do not stop this type of activity," replied St. Peter.
"That is an effective more...

After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St.Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.
"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked. "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it - a regular Sodom and Gomorra. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. Even four out of five dentists recommend it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions."
"Hmmm," God said thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"
"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on judgment day if they do not stop this type of activity." more...

The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist's office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. " Hmmm," says the theorist, " That's exactly where you'd expect to see that peak. Here's the reason." A long logical explanation follows. In the middle of it, the experimentalist says "Wait a minute", studies the chart for a second, and says, "Oops, this is upside down." He fixes it. " Hmmm," says the theorist, "you'd expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here's the reason...".

A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours.

The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says,' Give it a shot father'. After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says' Whoa, what a big sonofabitch!'

The Priest says,' Uh, please sir, can you mind your language?'

The Fisherman responds (THINKING QUICKLY),' I'm sorry father, but that's what this fish is called - a sonofabitch!'

'Oh, I'm sorry', replied the Priest.' I didn't know.' After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop.

'Eminence, look at this big sonofabitch!'

'Please Father', said the Bishop.' Mind your more...

The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist's office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. "Hmmm," says the theorist, "That's exactly where you'd expect to see that peak. Here's the reason (long logical explanation follows)." In the middle of it, the experimentalist says "Wait a minute", studies the chart for a second, and says, "Oops, this is upside down." He fixes it. "Hmmm," says the theorist, "you'd expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here's the reason...".

A Princeton plasma physicist is at the beach when he discovers an ancient looking oil lantern sticking out of the sand. He rubs the sand off with a towel and a genie pops out. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The physicist retrieves a map of the world from his car an circles the Middle East and tells the genie, "I wish you to bring peace in this region".

After 10 long minutes of deliberation, more...