Herd Jokes / Recent Jokes

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular attrition of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. And here’s how it went:
Well ya see Norm, it’s like this…A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: "What do you use to feed your pigs?""Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?""Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you dont feed them like you should, they shouldnt eat wastes."Then he fined the farmer. Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered: "Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak... why?""Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think its unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat."And he fined the farmer. Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."

Once upon a time there was a blonde. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes and she was sick of all the blonde jokes.
One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over.
"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.
"Well thank you.", said the herder. v "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.
"Okay.", replied the herder. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman.
"Sure.", said the sheepherder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".
"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."
So the woman went and picked one out more...

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,' 'Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.'' Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.

The Texan immediately says,' 'We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.'' The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks,' 'And what are those?'' The Aussie replies with an incredulous look,' 'Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?''

There once was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair red and try and trick everyone into thinking that she was a redhead.
After she dyed her hair, she went for a drive to see if she could trick anyone.
She came across a sheep herder and his herd and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have in your herd, can I take one home? ”
The sheep herder said, “Sure! ”
The blonde proudly said, “There are 345 sheep. ”
The sheep herder exclaimed, “Wow! That is absolutely right, so go ahead and pick a sheep to take home. ”
The Blonde got out, got a sheep, and put it in her car.
The sheep herder said, “Now I have a deal for you. If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back? ”

Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.
One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.
She also went out and bought a new convertible.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.
She stopped and called the sheepherder over.
"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.
"Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.
"Okay.", replied the herder.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder.
So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".
"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right.
Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."
So the woman went and picked more...