Helped Jokes

"Mummy, Mummy. I was at the playground and Daddy..." Mummy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story, so Little Johnny tells her.
"I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."
At this point Mummy cut him off and says, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mummy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat and "... then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy."

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side. PLATO: For the greater good of man. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN: I forget. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas. ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using more...

A farmer and his friend are talking, at some point in the conversation, the farmers three-legged pig walks by. The friend asks about the lame pig, and why the farmer hasn't killed it off."Well," the farmer says, "that pig has helped us through a lot.. last month our house caught on fire, and he dragged me and my family to safety. Then a few days later, my boy was drowning in the lake and the pig helped him out."The farmers friend was still confused and asked, "So how did the pig lose his leg?""Well.." the farmer answered, "a pig like that, you can't eat all at once."

Jenny's husband, Jeremy, was a male chauvinist. Even though they both worked full-time, he never helped around the house. Housework was woman's work!

But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and the table set.

She was astonished -- something's up. It turns out that Jeremy had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex.

The night went well and the next day she told her office friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Jeremy even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed the evening."

"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.

"Oh, that was perfect! too. Jeremy was too tired!" she replied.

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Buddha:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
Colonel Sanders:
Damn, I missed one!
Anderson Consulting:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.
Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.

Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with more...