Crossing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A butcher is very busy working at the meat counter when he notices a dog in his shop. He shoos him away, but the dog returns a while later. He walks over to the dog and sees that he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and reads it, "Can I please have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb. The dog has money in his mouth as well."
    The butcher looks in the dog's mouth and, sure enough, there's a ten dollar bill. He takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
    The dog walks down the street and comes to a crossing. He puts the bag down, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him.
    The dog then comes to a bus stop and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at more...

    One day santa was walking on the zebra crossing looking very worried, when somebody came and asked him "why are you so worried?' then santa answered'why doesn't this piano work?

    All stations are to be on the lookout for the following
    individual(s) that are WANTED by an agency(ies) within the United
    States of America. The US State Department has expressed interest
    in extraditing the following individual(s) from anywhere in the
    world.

    NAME
    Kringle, Christopher Also Known As Santa, Jolly Old Man, Saint Nick

    RACE
    Unknown

    HEIGHT
    6' 0"

    WEIGHT
    320 lbs

    SCARS/TATTOOS
    Across both buttocks words Merry Christmas.

    LAST SEEN WEARING
    Red suit pants and Jacket with red thermal underwear. Red hat,
    with white tassel.

    KNOWN TO BE DRIVING
    1964 red convertible, with a nine Reindeer powered engine. Vehicle
    was displaying a red light on front, in violation of the State of
    Alaska Vehicle and Traffic law.

    WANTED FOR THE FOLLOWING CIMINAL VIOLATIONS
    Being Jolly in a No Jolly zone,
    Breaking and entering more...

    A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But as time went by, the traffic slowly built up to an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
    "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
    "I don't care, just do something about those drivers!"
    So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
    Three days later, the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster."
    So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
    And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called every day for more...

    Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side. PLATO: For the greater good of man. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN: I forget. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas. ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using more...

  • Recent Activity