Hat Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Bathroom Military (off. to Marines / explicit language!)
A Sailor and a Marine are taking a leak in the head. The Sailor finishes and goes for the door. The Marine finishes and heads for the sink.
He calls out to the Sailor, "Hey! Aren t you going to wash you hand? In The Corps they taught us to wash up afterwards."
The Sailor replies, "Well, in the Navy they just told us not to piss on our hands." A Marine walks in to the head. A little boy who was on his way out looks at him, smiles, and asks, "Are you a REAL Marine?"
The Marine replies, "Why yes I am son... Say - you want to wear my hat?"
The boy replies, "Sure mister!", and put the hat on his head. As the Marine entered a stall the boy placed himself on "guard duty" by the door. Shortly, a Sailor entered the head.
The little boy again looked up, smiled, and asked, "Are you a REAL Sailor?"
The Sailor replied, "Why yes I more...

A young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.'s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say's, "Why yes I am... you wanna wear my hat?" The boy nods and the hat is placed on his head. As the boy admired himself in the mirror, the bathroom door slammed open and an old Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt walked in. He was decked out in his Dress Blue Uniform, with medals down his chest. The boy, seeing the uniform asked him, "Hey, are you a Marine?" The Gunnery Sgt peared down at the boy and responded, "That's right! Why? Do wanna suck me off?" The boy replied nervously, "I-I-I'm not in the Army!! I'm just wearing his hat!!"Sent by Brian

There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist.A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat."She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old; this hat is brand new!"

Review: The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages. Beginner Books, $3. 95 The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetryin which the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes andbold imagery of some of his earlier works, most notably GreenEggs and Ham, If I Ran the Zoo, and Why Can't I Shower WithMommy? In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under thepseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freudin a nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two youngchildren understand their own frustrated sexuality. The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister, abandoned by their mother, staring mournfully through thewindow of their single-family dwelling. In the foreground, alarge tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the wind, tauntingthe children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexualyearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to themost unlearned reader, the blatant references to theincestuous relationship the two share more...

There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist. A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat." She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old; this hat is brand new!"

The Hat An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entiresermon on "The Ten Commandments." After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it." Preacher: "You mean the commandment' I shall not steal' changed your mind?" Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying anew one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of thevestibule. When hegot there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pewwhere he had to sitand listen to the entiresermon on "The Ten Commandments." Afterchurch, the man metthe preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, andtold him "I want tothank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steala hat and afterhearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."Preacher: "You mean the commandment I shall not steal changed yourmind?"Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"