Hat Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist.
A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat."
She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old; this hat is brand new!"

A man wearing a felt hat was walking under the broiling sun of midsummer. When he came upon a tall tree by the roadside, he decided to take a rest under its leafy shade. Taking off his felt hat and fanning himself with it, he said: "Thanks to this felt hat. I would have had a heatstroke without it."

A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by theusher. "Are you a friend of the bride? " he asked."Certainly not," she snapped, "Im the grooms mother."

"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least."

"You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."

A remedy for the common cold suggested by Dr. Richard Gordon, from the "Atlantic Monthly":

At the first sign of a cold, go to bed with a bottle of whiskey and a hat. Place the hat on the left-hand bedpost. Take a drink of whiskey and move the hat to the right-hand bedpost. Take another drink and shift the hat back again. Continue this until you drink the whiskey but fail to move the hat.

By then, the cold is probably cured.

There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hoteland offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped himand reminded him he was a holy man." It's O. K.," he replied, "it's written in the Bible." So after a wild night of you-know-what the hat check girl askedto see where in the Bible it says it's okay. The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to thefirst page where someone wrote in pencil - "The hat check girlputs out!"

The Scene: Three people walking across the desert; an American, a Mexican, and a Winkie. (Substitute your favorite nationality/sub-culture known for its stupidity in place of Winkie.)
After they had been walking for a while, the Mexican and the Winkie notice that the American is carrying a glass of water. They asky why, and the American replies: "Well, when it gets real hot, I can drink this glass of water to cool off."
Then he drinks it.
The American and the Winkie notice that the Mexican is carrying a Sombrero. The Winkie asks him why he's carrying the hat, and the Mexican replies: "Well, when it gets real hot like now, I can put my hat on to be in the shade."
Then he puts it on.
The American and the Mexican notice that the Winkie has been lugging a car door through the desert. Neither of them can understand this, so they ask him why. The Winkie smiles and replies: "Well, its just like you two are doing. When I get hot, I can just more...