Commandments Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    There once was a good Baptist Minister, who in order to make his family's budget go a little further, rode a bicycle to Church and to Church functions. One day his bike turned up missing. He searched everywhere, but could not find it. Since it was a very small town he lived in, and most of the town was in his parish, he assumed that one of his flock had strayed and stolen his bicycle.
    He spoken with his Deacon about his quandry. The Deacon suggested that at the Sermon next Sunday, the Minister talk on the Ten Commandments. When he got to the Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Steal", the Minister should turn on the Fire-and-Brimstone and preach like he had never preached before. The guilty part should then feel such remorse for their wrongdoing, that they would return the bike.
    So Sunday came and the Minister gave his sermon. It was a good sermon but when he reached "Thou Shalt Not Steal", there was no Fire-and-Brimstone. The Deacon was puzzled and asked the more...

    God offered his tablet of commandments to the world. He first approached the Italians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said.
    He answered, "Thou shalt not murder."
    They answered "Sorry, we are not interested."
    Next he offered it to the Romanians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said.
    He answered, "Thou shalt not steal."
    They answered, "Sorry, we are not interested."
    Next he offered them to the French. "What commandments do you offer?" they asked.
    "Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife."
    "Sorry we are not interested," they answered.
    Finally he approached the Jews.
    "How much?" they asked.
    "It's free," he answered. "We'll take ten of them!"

    Ma and Pa made their annual visit to church for the Christmas Eve service.
    As they were leaving, the minster said, "Pa, it sure would be nice to see you and ma here more than once a year!"
    "I know," replied Pa, "but at least we keep the Ten Commandments."
    "That's great," the minister said. "I'm glad to hear that you keep the Commandments."
    "Yup," Pa said proudly, "Ma keeps six of 'em and I keep the other four."

    A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.
    On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.
    "Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."
    The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?"
    The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."

    The Hat An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entiresermon on "The Ten Commandments." After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it." Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal' changed your mind?" Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"

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