"The offering" joke

God offered his tablet of commandments to the world. He first approached the Italians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said.
He answered, "Thou shalt not murder."
They answered "Sorry, we are not interested."
Next he offered it to the Romanians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said.
He answered, "Thou shalt not steal."
They answered, "Sorry, we are not interested."
Next he offered them to the French. "What commandments do you offer?" they asked.
"Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife."
"Sorry we are not interested," they answered.
Finally he approached the Jews.
"How much?" they asked.
"It's free," he answered. "We'll take ten of them!"

Ya mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.

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all we need to do is put a flashlight to your hairline then we will get the batmat symbol

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A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus, and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. While his father was gone buying popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, more...

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At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he more...

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A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.
On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was more...

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