Germans Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany's best comedian?
A: Only the first one can make you smile.
Q: How many people fron Dresden can you fit in a mini?
A: About 25000 if you've got a shovel
Q: What is the definition of the European Heaven?
A: British humour, French food, German technology.
A: What is the definition of the European Hell?
A: British food, German humour, French technology.
Q: Why are so many Germans born by C-section?
A: Ever try to get a Squarehead through a round hole?

Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Ve are asking ze qvestions here! A: Two, one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one to screw it in.

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man.; "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another more...

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man.; "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another more...

BONN, Germany (Reuter) - Thousands of Germans are keeping unfortunate surnames such as Kotz (Vomit), Moerder (Murder), Brathuhn (Roast chicken) and even Hitler, even though they could legally change them, a magazine reported Sunday.
The German phonebook lists hundreds of people with the surname Faul (Lazy), Fett (Fat), Dreckmann (Filth-man), Dumm (Stupid) and Schwein (Pig), the weekly Focus magazine said in an advance release ahead of publication Monday.
Unflatteringly named Germans said that they mainly had problems with their names as children and that later in life they had decided not to bow to social pressure to change them.
"Why should I have a different name from my father and grandfather?" said one Herr Schwein.

During WWII a fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad so he the German doctor amputated his arm. He had a request that they would drop his arm over his base in England. So the Germans did.
Then next week they amputated his other arm and he asked for the same thing. So the Germans did.
The next week they amputated his leg and he again asked for them to drop it over his base in England.
The German doctor replied, "Nein, Ve do dis no more!" The pilot asked why not, and the German answered, "Ve tink you trying to escape!"

BONN, Germany (Reuter) - Thousands of Germans are keeping unfortunate surnames such as Kotz (Vomit), Moerder (Murder), Brathuhn (Roast chicken) and even Hitler, even though they could legally change them, a magazine reported Sunday.The German phonebook lists hundreds of people with the surname Faul (Lazy), Fett (Fat), Dreckmann (Filth-man), Dumm (Stupid) and Schwein (Pig), the weekly Focus magazine said in an advance release ahead of publication Monday.Unflatteringly named Germans said that they mainly had problems with their names as children and that later in life they had decided not to bow to social pressure to change them."Why should I have a different name from my father and grandfather?" said one Herr Schwein.