Fiancee Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Ann Landers,

I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy.

My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to an Australian.

My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana, distribution of Cocaine, as well as Heroin.

They are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.

I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non parole life sentence in Mt. Eden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being
held in the Wellington remand center on charges of incest with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a
part time "working girl" in a Brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD.

We intend more...

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus 1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee 1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and it's a memory hogger, it has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.
Some features I'd like to see in the Upcoming GirlFriend 4.0...
- A "Don't remind me again" button
- Minimize button
- Shutdown feature
- An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)
I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same i/o port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another thing that sucks in all versions of girlfriend that more...

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus 1.0
marketing name: Fiancee 1.0. Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0
and it's a memory hogger, it has taken all his space; and Wife 1.0 must be
running before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0
came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. Some features I'd
like to see in the Upcoming GirlFriend 4.0...
A "Don't remind me again" button
Minimize button
Shutdown feature
An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4.0 can be completely
uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)
A Remote control for the these features would be a nice upgrade.
I tried running GirlFriend 2.0 with GirlFriend 1.0 still installed, but they
tried using the same i/o port and conflicted. Then I tried to unistall
GirlFriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall
it by hand, but it more...

Dear Abby:
I have been engaged to a really great girl for almost a year and will be married next month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive, but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire weddding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it has grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.
When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred... then she floored me.
She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then, she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.
I looked at my future mother-in-law and couldn't help but notice that not only is she "knock-dead" beautiful, but she also has the body of a Playboy centerfold. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with the more...

Dear Bob in Tech Support,
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever, as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've
tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off, but I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works
okay. GirlFriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Leisure 3.1 and QuietTime programs, often trying to abort them with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend more...