Fiance Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.
    "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
    "I am a Torah scholar." he replies.
    "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
    "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
    "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
    "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."
    "And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
    "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.
    The conversation proceeds like more...

    A white guy is being shipped off to Jamaica for a year with the army.
    His fiance, Wendy, is really worried about her man being unfaithful, so she asks him to tattoo her name to his penis...He agrees, and does so.
    When his penis isn't erect you can see the letters W and Y.
    The woman feeling secure knowing that her name is tattooed on her man's penis says good-bye to her fiance and he leaves for Jamaica.
    One day, while in Jamaica, the guy is at the urinal and a black Jamaican comes and stands at the urinal next to him... The white guy happens to notice that the Jamaican also has a tattoo on his penis and he could see the letters W and Y, so he says to the Jamaican, "Wow, that's really interesting, I guess you have a girlfriend named Wendy too?"
    And the Jamaican looks at him with a puzzled look and then stretches out his penis and it says...
    "Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day!"

    A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage." His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?" "Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." more...

    A Shorter, Harsher Titanic

    (Scene 1)

    KATE WINSLET: Why, this is a fancy boat, isn't it?

    KATE'S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named' Picasso.' I am certain he will amount to nothing.

    KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90's audience, because they know this priceless paintings will sink with the boat.

    LEONARDO DICAPRIO: Hello, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to the worship of me. You are very pretty.

    KATE: Thank you. So are you.

    LEONARDO: I know. Prettier than you, in fact. I am going to put on my' brooding' face now, to ensure that women will keep coming back again and again to see this movie. Later, my white shirt will be soaking wet.

    KATE: While you're doing that, I will concentrate on standing here and looking pretty, to keep the men in the audience interested until the boat sinks and more...

    A white guy is being shipped off to Jamaica for a year with the army. His fiance, Wendy, is really worried about her man being unfaithful, so she asks him to tattoo her name to his penis...He agrees, and does so.When his penis isn't erect you can see the letters W and Y. The woman feeling secure knowing that her name is tattooed on her man's penis says good-bye to her fiance and he leaves for Jamaica.One day, while in Jamaica, the guy is at the urinal and a black Jamaican comes and stands at the urinal next to him... The white guy happens to notice that the Jamaican also has a tattoo on his penis and he could see the letters W and Y, so he says to the Jamaican, "Wow, that's really interesting, I guess you have a girlfriend named Wendy too?"And the Jamaican looks at him with a puzzled look and then stretches out his penis and it says..."Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day!"

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