Error Jokes / Recent Jokes
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock ever
other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the
locks, they are always locking three.
These are some of the error messages produced by Apple's MPW C
compiler. They are all real. (If you must know I was bored one
afternoon and decompiled the String resources for the compiler.)
"String literal too long (I let you have 512 characters; that's 3
more than ANSI said I should)"
"...And the lord said, 'lo, there shall only be case or default
labels inside a switch statement'"
"A typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your
program"
"You can't modify a constant, float upstream, win an argument with
the IRS, or satisfy this compiler"
"This struct already has a perfectly good definition"
"type in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39, lines 10-11 (I
know you don't care, I'm just trying to annoy you)"
"Can't cast a void type to type void (because the ANSI spec. says
so, that's why)"
"Huh?"
"Can't go more...
An error doesn't become a mistake until you choose to ignore it.
CS Rep: LOVE Technical Support.
Customer: I'm not very technical, but I think I can do it if you talk me through. I am ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: It depends. What programs are running?
Customer: Let me see... I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs will prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know more...
In March, 1999 a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW) received a bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.In April he received another bill and threw that one away too. The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them $0.00 by return mail. He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error and they would take care of it.The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome gas line figuring that if there was usage on the account it would put an end to this ridiculous predicament. However, when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off.He called the gas company who apologised for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to them the previous day the latest more...
These are stories from help desks around the country.
At 3: 37 a. m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write' click' and I more...