Ere Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Child Ballad 37 deals with Thomas the Rhymer. . . this piece is based upon that and, of course, interaction I observed among SCAdians

    True Aubrey in Lady Christiana's Den
    (or Spare Room, as the case may be: -)

    1 Lord Aubrey visited a shire
    And he beheld a ladie gay,
    A ladie whose hospitalitie
    Was knowne through mundane Thunder Bay

    2 Her manor ringed around with snow
    Was warm, and lit with lanterns bryht
    Ant for Aubrey, who sought crash space
    Looked fair to spend the nyht

    3 True Aubrey he took off his hat,
    And bowed him low down till his knee:
    ' All hail, thou Queen of Heaven's Lodging!
    For its peer on earth I never did see.'

    4' O no, O no, Lord Aubrey,' she says,
    ' This hall is not that which you name;
    I offer but my humble home,
    If you've come here for to visit me.

    * * * * *

    5 But ye maun stay wi me now, Aubrey,
    Dear Sherriff, ye maun stay more...

    An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.
    Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
    "Without numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat is easy," and proceeded to draw three trees.

    "What's this?" the boss asked.

    "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," said the Irishman.
    "Fair enough," said the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
    The Irishman stared into space for a while, then picked up the picture that he has just drawn and made a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

    The boss scratched his head and said, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
    "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat more...

    Two Irishmen, Murphy and O'Brian grew up in the same village together. They were friends all their lives, married a pair of sisters, and lived just down the street from one another. But now, Murphy had cancer, and was lying on his deathbed, surrounded by his friends.

    He calls,' 'O'Brian, come' ere O'Brian. I' ave a request for ye.'' O'Brian walks to his friends bedside and kneels down.

    ''O'Brian, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm dying' ere. I' ave one last request fir ye to do.''

    O'Brian bursts into tears,' 'Anything Murphy, anything ye wish. It's done.''

    ''Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity.''

    O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and true Irish spirit of his more...

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