Entries Jokes

Quit drinkin' gas
Keep your television on a low setting, no higher than channel 5
Recycle Top Ten List entries
Recycle Top Ten List entries
Host late-night talk show that causes millions of Americans to turn off their television sets
Crap, that's a hard question... is wrestling on?
Instead of motor oil, lubricate your car's engine with Oil of Olay
Turn off the lights at Shea Stadium - would it really matter?
Say goodbye to your electric razor - get yourself some Epil-Stop & Spray
Become President - ignore the problem completely
MMI, Viacom Internet Services Inc.

It has come to my attention recently that many people have been turning
in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive
Time" (code 5300). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem.
What is a problem is not knowing exactly what people are doing during
their unproductive time.
I've attached a sheet specifying a tentative extended job list based on
my observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify
with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive
time. Please distribute this as necessary, and let me know about any
difficulties.
For your timesheets:
Job number Explanation
---
5300 Meeting
5300-100 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5300-200 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5310 Breaks
5310-100 Waiting for Break
5310-110 Buying Snack
5310-120 Eating Snack
5310-200 Waiting for Lunch
5310-210 more...

The Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates's Diary

11> Invited entire tech-support department to play golf.Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.

10> Steve Jobs started work today.The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.

9> The baby cries constantly.Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.

8> Bought my first Macintosh.It's sooooo cute!

7> Good day.Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.

6> Bad day.Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.

5> Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner.Yes!

4> Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!

3> Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.

2> Ran into Demi and Bruce.Upped my offer to a billion dollars.

and the Number 1 Entry in Bill Gates's more...