Elected Jokes / Recent Jokes

PITTSBURG, PA
October 3, 2004

Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry kept President Bush on the defensive today, telling a Pittsburgh audience that Mr. Bush had allowed the long-dormant volcano Mount St. Helens to erupt on his watch, adding that he would "fix Mount St. Helens once and for all" if elected in November.

"When George Bush was elected president, Mount St. Helens was nothing but a trivia question," Mr. Kerry said. "Well, guess what, folks - it's spewing volcanic gases right now and it's only a matter of time before she blows."

Mr. Kerry said that Mr. Bush had refused to keep an eye on the troubling increase in volcanic activity at Mount St. Helens because he was "totally obsessed with Iraq."

"I've got news for George Bush, " Mr. Kerry said. "Saddam Hussein isn't erupting. Mount St. Helens is erupting."

After accusing Mr. Bush of being "in more...

Harry Goldberg has been elected the next president of the United States-the first Jewish boy to reach the Whitehouse.
He is very proud and phones his mother in New York to invite her to the inauguration. Harry: Momma, guess what! I've just been elected president, won't you come to my inauguration?
Mother: Harry! You know I hate trains. I can't face the journey all the way to Washington. Maybe next time.
Harry: Momma! You will take no train. Air Force One will collect you. The journey will be over in 30 minutes. Come to my inauguration, please.
Mother: Harry, I hate hotels. The non-kosher food! Nahh, maybe next time.
Harry: Momma! You will stay in the White House, a kosher chef to yourself. PLEASE come.
Mother: Harry! I have nothing to wear!
Harry: I have someone on his way to take you to Macy's and Bloomingdale's to make you look perfect. You must come!!!
Mother: Okay, okay, I suppose I will come.
Inaugaration day comes. Mother is on the front row, more...

Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1?
Do pigs pull ham strings?
Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?
Why do radio operators say "niner" instead of just "nine"?
Why do people say heads up when you should duck?
Why did Superman wear his briefs on the outside of his tights?
Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?
Why do they call the clock where you punch your time card called a "time" clock? Aren't all clocks "time" clocks?
Why does blow and suck mean the same thing when we describe something being crap?
Can dogs have dog days?
When a male is elected president and his wife is called the First Lady. What would a lady's husband be called if she were elected president?
If more...

The proud mother
Harry Goldberg has been elected the next president of the United States--the first Jewish boy to reach the Whitehouse. He is very proud and phones his mother in New York to invite her to the inauguration.
Harry: Momma, guess what! I`ve just been elected president, won`t you come to my inauguration?
Mother: Harry! You know I hate trains. I can`t face the journey all the way to Washington. Maybe next time.
Harry: Momma! You will take no train. Air Force One will collect you. The journey will be over in 30 minutes. Come to my inauguration, please...
Mother: Harry, I hate hotels. The non-kosher food! Nahh, maybe next time.
Harry: Momma!! You will stay in the White House, a kosher chef to yourself. PLEASE come.
Mother: Harry! I have nothing to wear!
Harry: I have someone on his way to take you to Macy`s and Bloomingdale`s to make you look perfect. You must come!!!
Mother: Okay, okay, I suppose I will come.
Inauguration day more...

President Bush launched a PR campaign to improve his image and popularity. He decided to visit a primary school so he could explain his policy to the children. After explaining his policy to them, the President asked the children if they had any questions.

Little Stevie raises his hand and says, "Mr. President, I have three questions:

"1. How did you have fewer votes but were still elected president?

"2. Why do you want to attack Iraq with no motive?

"3. Don't you think Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist attack in history?"

At that moment, the bell rang and the children ran outside to play. At the end of the break the children returned and President Bush asked the children if they had any questions.

Little Eddie raises his hand and says, "Mr. President, I have five questions:

"1. How did you have fewer votes but were still elected president?

"2. Why do you more...