Names Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
    John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
    Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
    John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
    The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
    Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
    Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
    Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
    Both were shot in the head.
    Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
    Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
    Both were assassinated by Southerners.
    Both were succeeded by Southerners.
    Both successors were named Johnson.
    Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
    Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
    John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
    Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.
    Both assassins were know by their three names.
    Both names more...

    girl: mum why did you call me daisy?
    mum: because when you were born, a beautiful daisy landed on your head
    *2 hours later*
    girl's sister: mum why did you call me rose?
    mum: because when you were born, a beautiful rose petal landed on your head

    - in the corner her son mumbles and grumbles something
    mum: BE QUIET FRIDGE!!

    There were these three American Indians sitting around this campfire one night, discussing where their parents got their names from.
    The first Indian said, "My parents decided to call me Jumping Deer because when they were conceiving me, a deer went jumping over them."
    The second Indian said, "My parents named me Running Waterfall because when I was conceived, they were next to a waterfall."
    The third Indian said, "This is really strange. My parents also named me after something that happened when I was conceived. They named me Broken Condom..."

    The new school librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a 'Contract' for returning the books on time.
    Her first customer was a third grader who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought three books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
    The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
    Before the librarian could even start her speech, he said scornfully, "The other librarian we had knew how to write."

    The census taker rang the doorbell and was greeted by an attractive blonde woman. He explained he was from the Census Bureau and wanted to know how many were in the family.
    "Let's see now," she said, twirling a strand of her hair, "there's me, my husband, and our children Beth, Steven, Aaron, Janice, Caroline, Will... "
    "I'm not interested in names," the census taker interrupted, "numbers will be sufficient."
    "Oh, we don't use numbers," she replied. "We haven't run out of names yet!"

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