Dress Jokes / Recent Jokes

When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time-honored fashion. "You're gaining a son." "Oh, forget about that!" she said with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!"

Memo No. 1:
Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.
Memo No. 2:
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Memo No. 3:
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Memo No. 4:
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Memo No. 5:
As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, the Committee On Committee's has appointed a 14-member Casual Day Task Force to prepare guidelines for proper dress.
Memo No. 6:
The Casual Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter "You Are more...

Girls, allegedly so timorous and lacking in confidence, now outnumber boys in student government, in honor societies, on school newspapers, and even in debating clubs.
- Christina Hoff Sommers, The War Against Boys
***
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
- Groucho Marx
***
A woman phoned the dry cleaners saying that the designer label was missing from her dress's neckband. Assuring her that they would look for it, the owner spent the whole afternoon searching the shop. Finally, he found the label in a trash bin. He cleaned and pressed it, and dropped it off at the customer's home. "Oh, thank you," she gushed. "I'm having a garage sale tomorrow and I can always charge a few dollars more for a dress with a label on it."
***
"Anheuser-Busch announced they are coming out with low-carb beer called "Ultra" which is aimed at the diet-conscious beer drinker. Diet-conscious beer drinker... aren't those more...

The bountifully endowed young doll was in an embarrassing situation, for her arms were filled with packages and she was wearing a dress that was simply too tight to allow her to step up into the bus for which she had been waiting the last fifteen minutes. A crowd pressed from behind and so she reached back, unobserved she hoped, and attempted to gain some additional freedom by pulling down the zipper at the back of her dress. It didn't seem to help and she still couldn't negotiate the high step, so she reached again for the zipper and addi- tional freedom, but again it was no use. Then from out of the impatient crowd behind her, a young man picked her up and deposited her gently inside the bus.
This, of course, only embarrassed the girl more. "What right have you to pick me up like that?" she gasped. "Why, I don't even know you!"
"Well, miss," the man said, smiling and tipping his hat, "after you pulled my zipper down the second time, I more...

A rich lady gives her butler the night off because she is going out on a date.
When she arrives back home from the date she saw the butler was still home and sitting in the front room.
The rich lady approaches the butler and requests that he remove her dress, so the butler removes her dress. She then asks the butler to remove her bra, which he does. She then asks him to remove her panties and he this this also.
The lady then tells the butler never to dress in her clothes again.

Sandra's wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready and she wasn't going to allow anything to dampen her excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother, Theresa, finally found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother of the bride EVER!
Several days later, Sandra was horrified to discover that her stepmother, Caroline, had purchased the same dress. She asked Caroline to exchange the dress, but Caroline refused. "Absolutely not! Caroline exclaimed. "I'm going to wear this dress and I'm going to look like a million in it!"
Sandra told her mother, who graciously replied, "Never mind, dear, I'll get another dress. After all, it's YOUR special day, not hers."
Two weeks later, another dress was finally found. When they stopped for lunch, Sandra asked her mother, "Mom, what are you going to do with the first dress? Maybe you should return it. You don't have any place to wear it."
With a more...

If you can run and play any sport while wearing chanclas...
MEXICAN...
If your late Tio left you a van and you turned it into a taco vending business,
Yes, you're a Mexican.
If you pronounce words beginning with the letter "S" by putting an "E" in front of it,
(estop instead of stop),
big time Mexican.
If you call a chair, a sher, you got it...
Mexican.
If you have ever hurt yourself and your mamacita rubbed the area while chanting,
"Sana, Sana, Colita de rana... "
You're Mexican, big time!!!
If you have your last name in old English lettering anywhere on your
car, truck, or tattooed on your back,
Yes! you ARE a Mexican (proud one too!)
If you refer to your wife as your ruca, your hina, your wifa, your old lady,
or your vieja, guess what?
Not only are you a Mexican, you're a cholo...
If you throw a "Grito" everytime you hear Vicente Fernandez,
then not only are you a more...