Distraught Jokes / Recent Jokes
The psychiatrist was not expecting the distraught stranger who staggered into his office and slumped into a chair. "You've got to help me. I'm losing my memory, Doctor," he sobbed. "I once had a successful business, a wife, home and family; I was a respected member of the community. But all that's gone now. Since my memory began failing, I've lost the business-I couldn't remember my clients' names. My wife and children have left me, too; and why shouldn't they-some nights I wouldn't get home until four or five in the morning. I'd forget where I lived.. . . And it's getting worse. Doctor-it's getting worse!"
"This is not an unusual form of neurosis," the psychiatrist said soothingly. "Now tell me, just how long ago did you first become aware of this condition?"
"Condition?" The man sat up in his chair. "What condition?"
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"
It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. more...
The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband's um...little sailor can't salute anymore. She goes to her local doctorand explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad forher. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says,"listen, I don't do this for everyone, but since your husband'son his way out...Get this prescription, and put three drops in hismilk before he goes to bed." The wife is very happy and thanks thedoc profusely. Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how it went.The lady blushes, smiles and says, "well I put thirty drops in hismilk by accident, and well, we just need an antidote now to closethe coffin."