Disease Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Foreploy:
any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Doltergeist:
a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.
Giraffiti:
vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous "Surrender Dorothy" on the Beltway overpass.
Sarchasm:
the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Impotience:
eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.
Reintarnation:
coming back to life as a hillbilly.
DIOS:
the one true operating system.
Inoculatte:
to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis:
terminal coolness.
Taterfamilias:
the head of the Potato Head family.
Osteopornosis:
a more...

A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer living just outside Cornerbrook, Newfoundland, to find the main cause of the Mad Cow Disease.

The Lady Reporter: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said, "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
The Lady Reporter (obviously embarrassed) said, "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease?"
The Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"
The lady reporter said, " Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point? "
The Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't more...

There was a guy he was at a baseball game...
this man had terrible lepercy and his back was filled with pus and blood and all that...
well the guy beside him kept throwing up...
so the man with the disease said "i am sorry i know its me i will go"
the man looked at him and said "no its not you, you can stay"
the man with the disease said ok so he sat back down
later the man threw up again and the man with lepercy said "i will go i am sorry"
the other manh said no its not you just stay its ok" so the man stayed
then like 10 min. the man threw up again and the man with the disease said ok enough i am gonna go now. the other man said no don't go its not you just let me explain...the guy behind my keeps dipping his chips in you back...

What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.

Pigs are the fourth most intelligent animal in the world.
Pig's Tongue contains 15,000 taste buds. For comparison, the human tongue has 9,000 taste buds
Dinosaurs didn't eat grass? There was no grass in the days of the dinosaurs.
A crocodile's tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth? It cannot move. It cannot chew but its Digestive juices are so strong that it can digest a steel nail, Glass pieces, etc
Sharks are immune to disease i.e they do not suffer from any Disease.
Animals are either right- or left-handed? Polar bears are always left-handed, and so is Kermit the Frog.
Ants don't sleep.
The eyes of the chameleon can move independently & can see in two different directions at the same time.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
The highest kangaroo leap recorded is 10 ft and the longest is 42 ft
Along with its length neck, the giraffe has a very long tongue - more than a foot and a half long. A giraffe can clean its more...

"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming." I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All more...

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"

"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"

"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"

"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"

"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"

"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"