Disappeared Jokes / Recent Jokes

A couple just got married, and when the husband went back to his househe found that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried andgathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success. Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find herin the kitchen. He asked her what she has been up to and why she hasntbeen home for so long. She replied:"These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."The husband answered:"But its only been two days what do u mean a week?""I am only here to get something to eat."

A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged. Well, this particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant's trunk onto the man's penis. Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's penis crept out of his pants, felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth. The girl was startled and exclaimed, "What was that?" Suddenly, the penis came back, took another hard roll and just as quickly disappeared. The girl was silent for a moment, then finally said, "I don't believe I saw what I think I just saw... Can you do that again?" With a bit of an uncomfortable smile the man replied, "Honey, I'd like to, but I don't think my ass can take another hard roll!"

After a ship sank in the ocean, three men ended up stranded in a lifeboat. They floated around for days without food or water. One afternoon a bottle floated up to the boat. The men grabbed the bottle and when
they pulled the cork out of the bottle, a genie appeared.
'I'll grant each of you a single wish,' said the genie.
'I wish I was home,' said the first man. Then, poof! he disappeared.
'I wish I was home, too,' said the second man. Poof! He disappeared too.
The third man looked around.' Gee, I'm kind of lonely,' he said.' I wish my friends were here with me.'

A shipwrecked Scotsman finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regained consciousness on the beach, he noticed a beautiful, unclad nymphet standing over him. "Would you like some food?" she asked.
The Scot hoarsely croaks, "Och, lassie, I havna' ittin a bite in a week noo and I am verra hungry!"
She disappeared into the woods and quickly came back with a heaping helping of haggis. "Would you like something to drink?" she asked.
"Och, aye! That haggis has made me verra hungry and I wad verra much like a drink!"
She disappeared into the woods again and returned Sometime later with a bottle of 75-year-old single-malt Scotch whiskey. The Scotsman was beginning to think that he was in heaven! Then, the unclad nymphet leaned towards him and said "Would you like to play around?"
"Och, lassie, don't tell me ye've got a golf course here too!"

There once was a magic Mirror and if you told it a lie you would disappear. So A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde tried it out.
The Brunette goes up and says, " I have the best lookin eyes in the world" And POOF. She disappeared.
The Redhead went up and said, " I have the best legs in the world" And POOF. She disappeared.
Finally the Blonde went up and said, " I think..." And POOF. She disappeared.

A man goes out of prison after twenty years. He decides to go back to the neighbourhood where he lived. When he gets there he cannot recognize the place. Everything has changed a lot. The places he used to visit have all disappeared. Even the pub has disappeared. He is very tired and would like to have something to eat. He goes into a small café and has a coffee and a sandwich. When he takes out his wallet he finds a shoemaker ticket in it.
He then remembers that the last thing he had done before being arrested was to take a pair of shoes to the shoemaker's. He decides to go there and try. What a wondeful thing! The shoemaker is still at the same place. He gets into the shop and tells the shoemaker that about twenty years before he had left him a pair of shoes to have them repaired. The shoemaker has a look at the ticket and says: "O. K. Come back tomorrow. They will be ready then." Some things never change.

After a ship sank in the ocean, three men ended up stranded in a lifeboat. They floated around for days without food or water. One afternoon a bottle floated up to the boat. The men grabbed the bottle and when they pulled the cork out of the bottle, a genie appeared.

"I'll grant each of you a single wish," said the genie. "I wish I was home," said the first man. Then,poof! He disappeared.

"I wish I was home, too," said the second man. Poof! He disappeared.

"The third man looked around. "Gee, I'm kind of lonely," he said. "I wish my friends were here with me."