Disabled Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

    In today's era of affirmative action and politically correct
    speaking, it is no longer acceptable to say "handicapped" or
    "disabled." "Challenged" is now the acceptable term.
    Such was the case when a morning radio personality (somewhere
    around Maryland) recently reported a traffic jam caused by a
    "mechanically challenged" vehicle.
    The unfortunate thing about using the word "challenged" when
    referring to a disabled person is, it won't change the nature of their
    disability, nor is it likely to change peoples' feelings toward them.
    Instead, as has happened with so many other words, "challenged" will
    take on the new meaning. Twenty years from now, when we say that "a
    skier was challenged by an expert slope," we will probably mean that
    he broke his leg.

    I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be:
    Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation!
    Why settle for intuitive keyboard commands when you can have confusing F-key combinations? But don't take our word for it-here are some satisfied customers:
    "I couldn't stand all the easy drag-and-click commands on my MacIntosh. Now I can do everything with wordy commands that only work on one file or directory at a time!"
    - Goober McLeod, IBM user for 15 years
    "I hated the 'automatic startup' files. Now, I can go back to my autoexec.bat file and pray I've got everything set up right! Plus, MS-Windows even disabled the Find File command, so I can search all my directories by hand to find those utilities I lost!"
    - Joey Boring, still using a more...

    Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all in the pool.
    The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.
    Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.
    He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.
    Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: “Three years I’ve spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me! ”

    A guy goes into the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him "Are you a veteran?" The guy says "Why yes, in fact I served two tours in Vietnam." "Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service related disabilities?" The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled: during a battle an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."

    "Sorry to hear about the damage but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8:00 to 4:00. Come on in about 10:00 and we'll get you started."

    The guy says, "If working hours are from 8:00 to 4:00, why do you want me to come at 10:00?" "Well, here at the post office we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"

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