Easy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The officeworker asked her, "How many children do you have?""Ten," she replied."What are their names?" he asked."LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered."They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them tocome in from playing outside?""Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they allcome running in.""And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?""I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered."But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked."Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

    John
    Kerry meets with the Queen of England. He asks her,
    "Your Majesty,
    how do you run such an efficient government? Are there
    any tips you can give
    to me?"
    "Well," says the Queen, "the most important
    thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
    Kerry frowns. "But how do I know the people around
    me are really intelligent?"
    The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy.
    You just ask them to
    answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes
    a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair
    in here, would you?"
    Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
    The Queen smiles, "Answer me this, please, Tony.
    Your mother and father have a child. It is not your
    brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
    Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That
    would be me."
    "Yes! Very good," says more...

    It's So Easy
    (Tune, It's so Easy)
    It's with Cesium I'm in love!
    It's with Cesium I'm in love!
    People say that I'm a fool,
    When I take my Cesium into the pool.
    And it's so easy,
    So doggone easy,
    Yes it's so easy,
    Where my love's concerned,
    To get myself burned.
    But it's with Cesium I'm in love,
    It's with Cesium I'm in love!
    I look into her flame and see,
    A sky-blue light floodin' over me.
    Though it's so easy,
    So doggone easy,
    Yeah it's so easy,
    When she's concerned,
    To get myself burned.
    Still it's with Cesium I'm in love,
    It's with Cesium I'm in love!
    -Songs of Cesium #87

    I asked Dan Judd, a graduate student who works for me, to look into creating
    an electronic suggestion box for the dean of the college. This is what he
    came back with.
    Options for creating an anonymous suggestion box for the Dean.
    1) Slip note under Dean's door.
    Pro - Simple.
    Would cost less to implement than generating this report.
    Con - Only small notes fit.
    Not too anonymous in the middle of the day.
    2) Put note in box outside Dean's office.
    Pro - Simple.
    Anonymity reasonable during the day.
    Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
    Con - Requires ability to find the Dean's office.
    Suggestions weighing more a few pounds unworkable.
    Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
    Will probably get more gum wrappers that suggestions.
    3) Mail to an address that strips off headers and forwards to Dean.
    Pro - Easy to do from anywhere in the building.
    Big messages not a problem.
    Electronic more...

    Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

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