Diner Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table. The diner was impressed.
"Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"
The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out, he determined that 17. 8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to get my penis out, go, more...

Then there was the diner who collared the waiter and complained that his meal wasn't fit for a pig.
"I'm so sorry," replied the waiter,' Til go back and bring you one that is."

I might be watching too much "24"


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"Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "how dare you serve me this! There's a bloody twig in my soup!"
"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch manager."

"Maitre d!" shouted the angry diner, "there's a fly in my soup! What's the meaning of this?"
Bowing politely, the mustachioed gentleman said, "I couldn't say. May I recommend a good fortune-teller?"

Two lawyers entered the diner and ordered a couple of drinks. They then took sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

Seeing this, the angry owner went over to them and said, "Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!"

Shrugging their shoulders the lawyers exchanged sandwiches.

One day, a truck driver who had been on the road for hours on end, decided to stop at a diner and have some lunch. So he goes into the diner, famished. He walks up to the counter and sits down.
"Waiter, can I have a big juicy steak and a loaded baked potato?
"Sure." says the waiter.
About 15 or 20 minutes later, the guy gets his food. About that time, a biker gang comes into the diner. They walk straight to the guy. The leader says "That's a mighty good looking steak you got there."
"Yes, it is." says the man.
"Mind letting me have it?" says the biker guy.
The truck driver doesn't even respond. He just gets up and walks off.
Biker says to the waiter, "He didn't have much of a backbone did he?"
The waiter says, "Nope. And he's not a good driver either, he just knocked over 10 motorcycles!"