Die Jokes / Recent Jokes

A gangster held a pistol to Banta's forehead and asked,' Will you give me Rs one lakh or would you prefer to die?'

Banta answered calmly,' I'd prefer to die as I want to keep one lakh rupees for my old age.'

A blonde walks into a barber shop wearing a set of headphones. She sits down in the chair and says I need my hair cut.
The barber starts to cut the right side then stops. He says, “You need to take off your headphones. ”
Blonde: “I can’t, I’ll just die! ”
The barber cuts the right side and goes to the left side. He starts cutting then stops. He says, “You really have to take off your headphones. ”
Blonde: “I can’t, I’ll just die! ”
The barber cuts the left side and starts on the back. He starts cutting then stops again. He says, “Now, you REALLY have to take off your headphones! ”
Blonde: “I can’t, I’ll just die! ”
The barber starts cutting, but then stops. He leans over and grabs the blonde’s headphones and pulls them off. She chokes, then falls to the ground dead.
The barber picks up the headphones and listens. “Breathe In… Breathe Out… Breathe In… Breathe Out…”

During the reign of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, the articles of tribute received by the imperial court included a jar of wine which was supposed to give the drinker eternal life. It so happened that Dongfang Shuo drank a mouthful of it on the sly. The Emperor was so angry when he learnt about this that he wanted to put Dongfang Shuo to death. "The wine I drank, Your Majesty, " pleaded Dongfang Shuo, "was supposed to give me eternal life. I wouldn't die even if Your Majesty put me to death. If I should die, then the wine is not the genuine stuff it was supposed to be." The Emperor was so amused that he pardoned Dongfang Shuo.

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
“You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution, ” screamed the terrorist leader, “and you’re going to be executed! Do you have any last requests? ”
The Englishman spoke first.
“Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing “God Save The Queen” to all you men. ”
“That can be arranged, ” said the terrorist.
The Frenchman said, “And I want to honor my country before I die by singing “The Marseilles” to your men. ”
The Japanese said, “Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management. ”
The terrorist turned finally to the American.
“What is your last request? more...

Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout." You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?" The Englishman spoke first." Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men." "That can be arranged," said the terrorist. The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men." The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management." The terrorist turned finally to the American." What is your last request?" more...

Thought 1 #
When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Thought 2 #
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is
going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

Thought 3 #
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, more...