Determine Jokes / Recent Jokes

INTRODUCTION:

Hello, and welcome to the nerdity test. This test is designed to help you determine your nerdity quotient. In the past, someone may have watched you, or listened to something you said and then exclaimed, "You geek! What do you think you are doing?" Or maybe it`s just us. In any event, we here at the nerdity testing lab were prompted to ask "just what is a nerd?" In response, we came up with this test. By taking it, you will determine your current nerdity quotient (from 0% to 100%), with 100% roughly corresponding to a pile of sludge unable to communicate with anything human except through a device that is a miracle of modern medicine and engineering, and whose only connection to the outside world is through the computer internet system.

GRADING:

As this test is being distributed primarily in places of high concentrations of known nerds, and nerds in turn tend to have nerd friends, that someone who has never heard of or more...

Caffeine Addict's Quiz:

Do you want to know if you suffer from "Alertness Deficit Disorder" (ADD)? Then just take this simple quiz. These questions will help us to determine whether or not you suffer from this terrible affliction; the only known cure for which is caffeine. ADD takes the lives of millions of Americans, hundreds of Canadians, and a handful of Ugandans every year. If that doesn't scare you, let's just say that you are more susceptible than anyone else. YES, YOU! If you suffer from this disease, missing just one trip to Starbucks could be FATAL. The following series of Yes/No questions will allow us to determine your Addiction Factor(TM). Keep track of the number of Yes and No answers you get and chart yourself at the end. Remember: Prevention is the best medicine. Or was it laughter? Either way, read on.

1. Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?

2. Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it's more...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electricalmalfunction disabled all of aircraft's electronic navigation and communicationequipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine hisposition or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwrittedsign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I"? in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a largesign an held it in a building window. The sign said, "YOU ARE IN AHELICOPTER". The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steerto SEATAC ( Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU AREIN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because they gave me atechnically correct but more...

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director:' How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?'

'Well,' said the Director,' we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor.' A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'
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No.' said the Director,' A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

A helicopter flying above Seattle encountered an electrical malfunction which disabled all of its electronic navigation and communications equipment. The pilot was unable to determine his position and course to proceed to the airport due to heavy clouds and haze.
Seeing a tall building, he flew toward it, circled, and drew a handwritten sign which he held up to the window. His sign read, "WHERE AM I?" in very large letters.
Those in the tall building saw his sign and quickly responded with an even larger sign of their own, which read, "YOU'RE IN A HELIOPTER." The pilot smiled and waved at them, looked at his map again, determined the course to steer and fortunately, landed safely.
Finally on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped to determine their position.
"I saw the sign and knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, just like their help-lines, they gave me a technically more...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said 'WHERE AM I?' in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said 'YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.'
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the 'YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER' sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded 'I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but more...

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Man who run in front of car get tired.
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Man who run behind car get exhausted.
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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
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Man with one chopstick go hungry.
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Man who scratch booty should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left
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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill more...