Detective Jokes / Recent Jokes

A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!"

A Chinese detective was given an assignment to follow two lovers, The husband wanted evidence for a divorce.
Chinese detective was giving his report in the divorce court.and the prosecuting council said," now Chan, In your own words give an account of the affairs," "Velly glood, I will tly", Me see he leave hotel, then she leave hotel, me see he go in car she flollow, get in car." " cary on Chan you are doing very well,"
Man dlive car, me get in me car me flollow mans car" Me see he dlive to small cluntly house, and he go inside, she flollow, me see light go on upstairs, me climbe up tree look fluu windlow, Light he goes on in dee room, me look through window." Carry on Chan, said the council. "Vell sir, me see he undless she, me see she undless he. me see he play with she, me see he play with shee. Me play with me, me fall from tlee me no more see".

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said,
"So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said,
"To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice
things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this more...

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tommorrow."When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked "How did The interview go?" He more...

Three idiots try out for a job to be a detective. The trainer they have pulls out a picture. He asks them each separately, "How would you recognize this suspect?"

The 1st idiot says "He only has 1 eye"

So the trainer says "it's a profile."

Frustrated, he moves along to the 2nd one and he said, "how would you recognize this suspect?"

The idiot says "he only has one ear."

Even more frustrated he yells at her and says "its a profile!"

He goes to the 3rd idiot and once again he asks, "How would you recognize this suspect?"

The idiot answers "he wears contact lenses."

The amazed trainer goes and checks the computer database. He returns 5 minutes later and says, "wow! he does where contact lenses, how did you know that?"

The idiot replies, "he can't wear normal glasses silly, he only has one ear"

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St.Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
During all police investigations it will be more...

What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective?
Santa Clues!