Deer Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Dear Santa:
One of the saddest stories at Christmas is how Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer, wasn't allowed to join in all the reindeer games. Rudolph became a hero, but we never actually found out what sort of games are reindeer games. What kinds of games are they?"
Well, Peter, there are reindeer games, and then there are The Reindeer Games. It's the difference between playing softball in the park with your buddies, and participating in the Olympics. Anyone can play reindeer games any time they want (even if you're not really a reindeer). But it takes a special sort of deer to have the drive to be in the Reindeer Games.
Again like the Olympics, there are a number of categories in the Reindeer Games, but here are some of the most popular:
LONG JUMP - Since our reindeer can actually fly, you can imagine the distances we get on this one.
100 COUNTRY DASH - Each year, our computers randomly generate a list of 100 countries, and the reindeer see who can more...

Legalese Night Before Christmas*



THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS in Legalese (Author unknown)



Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.



A variety of foot apparel, e. g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said more...

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?""No," the second guy says."Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says."Oh," says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?""See what?" the second guy asks."Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.""Oh."A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"

What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. How do you know when you're really ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed. How do you know when you're leading a more...

There was a blond, and a brunette walking through the woods, and they come across some tracks. The blond said "they are deer tracks", but the brunette said "they are bear tracks." The blond said "NO I went hunting with my dad, and I can tell you for sure that they are deer tracks." The brunette said "NO, NO, NO I went hunting with my brother, and I can tell you for sure that those are bear tracks." They kept on fighting, and a few minutes later a train came buy, and hit them. They were train tracks!!

Beer nuts are $1, and deer nuts are always under a buck.

I like venison as much as the next guy...as long as the next guy isn't Bryan James Hathaway of Wisconsin. Brian is accused of having sex with a deer and impersonating Jimmy Fallon.

Hathaway's lawyer is trying to get his client off (okay, perhaps a poor choice of words) on the technicality that the deer was dead at the time. The Wisconsin statute prohibits "sexual gratification with an animal" but, the lawyer argues, "animal" implies that the creature must be a living organism.

I'm not quite sure how you roll out of bed and look at yourself in the mirror every day as a lawyer, anyway, but I have to think this wasn't what this guy planned on when he took the LSATs. Mom and Dad must be so proud.

The lawyer is attempting to plea bargain the charge down from "sexual gratifcation with an animal" to being "bat-shit crazy in the first degree."

Prosecutors are holding firm that any plea agreement must include a clause more...