Deck Jokes

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert."What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked.Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand."Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master.Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.""Why's that Timmy?""Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration...""And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently."Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten."

An American General, a Russian General and a British General are standing on
the deck of a ship watching war exercises. (OK, OK, so this is an old one..)
The topic of discussion turns to human courage, and the Russian General boasts,
"Russians are the most courageous people on Earth!"
Upon which the American (naturally) challenges him: "Oh YEAH?"
The Russian says, "Sure! Here, Yuri! Jump off the deck (into the freezing
Atlantic) and swim around the ship!"
Yuri marches off without a word, and does as he is told. The Russian turns
around and says: "See, there's an example of courage!"
The American has to top this, so he calls up one of his underlings and gives
him the order:
"Jack, Jump off the main mast into the ocean, and swim around the ship
seven times!"
Poor Jack goes off without a murmur, and he too does as he is told. The
American General says: "Now top that for more...

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you
get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important
things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are
the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout
Master.
Timmy replied, "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that, Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water
is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up
behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten!'"

P. Harris

Problem Probable Cause Remedy
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Does not work Power plug in hand Place plug in socket
and turn socket on


Not turned on Turned off Turn on.

Still does not work Bought it from Tandy Take it back and get
a real stereo.


Lights up but no No speakers Buy some speakers.
sound


Still no sound Volume set to zero Set volume to ten.


Too much sound Volume set to ten Set volume to three.


Raucous hiss Radio turned on and Turn radio off, place
no aerial record on deck, place
stylus on record.


Sounds too slow HMV 78 written on record Discard record, replace
with `Hells Bells' by
ACDC set volume to ten,
place stylus on record.


Can't hear anything Gone deaf turn stereo off and
or learn to say `eh?'


Don't more...